HYPERVENTILATING!

I have a job interview in about 2 hours. I am currently hyperventilating. I currently have no one to call to talk me down so I have tobe brave and do this on my own. I'm sure Ill do fine. I may or may not get the job all the other candidates are just as good as myself. It's a toss up. All comes down to who impresses in the interview. Truly all I wish and want to do is just be myself ensure that Im engaging and give smart concise answers. Im nervous as all hel though, trying to keep calm and not fuck it up by crying or some such nonsense. I just there was someone to tell it will be fine. Let me know it's ok being myself. I just have to sell them me and thats what intend to do. Getting calmer and calmer as I write this.

As Always, Thanks for listening.

Title pic -

Photo credits - http://www.clipartof.com/interior_wall_decor/details/Woman-Hyperventilating-And-Breathing-Into-A-Bag-Poster-Art-Print-5771

Posts from the BB

When I was younger my mother said that it was great that I was ugly and fat because she wouldn't have to worry about boys...Yep she said it right in front of me too. I think about it almost everyday. Sure there was a time after she said it I thought she just wants me to be strong and confident by myself. That's not what stayed with me though.

I'm 23 and I guess I proved her right, my life seems to be failure after faiure so far. The biggest failure of course being myself. I try to tell myself that its ok to be me, yes I'm not attractive and I never will be but if I try to love me then maybe others would do the same. Maybe my family would stop treating me like a pariah, maybe my friends would stop treating me like the maid's daughter. Who am I kidding? There's nothing I can do to change what they think so I'm just going to have to do the best with myself.

Feel Good...

I was very happy with the Saturday Premieres on HBO and Cinemax last night. I finally got to see an unbootleg version of 'The Dark Knight' and 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army'. My realtime review of the former is below -

Never saw the first movie so not corrupted, usually like to watch movies in sequence. Eric Roberts, Lukas Haas....hmmm? Harvey Dent? Yes, Morgan Freeman...hmmm did they know he (Heath Ledger) was gonna die or was the first one that good? Divine intervention. Why didn't the gun go off? Dent is def playing sides...that's what I think. 23 minutes. Bloody but not overly, 'Why so serious?' Scary as shit, funny as hell. He's(Dent) so working with them. I feel it coming. 40 minutes. Will the real Batman please stand up? So far, Dent steals the show, over Joker, Wayne, Alfred, Fox...Wayne is a narcissistic fuck. Kinda like him. Maggie Gyllenhaal is not beautiful by the far stretch of the imagination here, in this she creeps me out. Gorgeous in The Secretary, this, not so much. Is this shit really needed Bats? Come on now. I'm actually engaged and interested...or is that just because I know what's awaiting that I'm excited about? Not certain. 1hour 10minutes in wondering where the hell this is going, have over an hour left. This Rachel character can I get a boo...(Not because he's playing a psycho means its a great performance, certainly it's good but not great, waiting for him to impress me. 1hour 16minutes) nice twist, didn't see it coming, if I was watching it more carefully it wouldn't have passed me by, rolls eyes, rolls eyes again, predictable twist, is it right to wish a characters death? No I feel weird so I won't ill just say that it isn't much of a loss to the film, I'm bored. 1 hour 42 minutes. Anthony Michael Hall? Truly what is this? If he were to mime this whole thing and never say a word I would find it award worthy, his performance in Brokeback Mountain was phenomenal this...he's overshadowed by Eckhart. Completely, bored. 1hour 59minutes. I like the movie for the lovely old world detective feel, memories of Kojack and Bogart in films like Casablanca and Maltese Falcon, rooting for the not so good guys because in a really good films the good and bad guys aren't all one dimensional, good girls are nonexistent(even though they didn't really have a good female role here) and bad girls get the guy, it was choice and sacrifice and gritty. That's what I get. Eckhart is money in this film, where was Bale? I will say I completely forgot about Bale saw him for the character he played and that should be applauded (the character was a little laughable) Gary Oldman (Sirius!) pretty good as well, nice emoting, Maggie Gyllenhaal...meh. Movie better than it's principals though Eckhart stood out.

I loved 'Hellboy' but the sequel seemed to leave plot behind and just bumbled its way through to an ending. The characters are likable and sweet but I missed the novelty that was the first movie, liked the direction that they tried to take it into but it missed it's mark for me when it came to story line. Very Weak. Awaiting whatever other sequels are in the works.

They premiered 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' on the Starz channel and i will admit i will be watching later today. I mean i already watched the first 2 the third can't be any worse. The first 2 weren't bad just not my thing. Just trying to complete the sequence.

The reason things have been feeling good... I just don't know. Only a few days without twitter and it feels weird but I'm not obsessing about it. Only a few days without speaking to my friends (or at least one friend in particular)....the same sentiments would apply.

Title pic -

Photo credits: - http://media.photobucket.com/image/feel%20good/jv3ecknell/614-GorillazFeelGoodInc.jpg

Posts from the BB

I read somewhere recently the Kate Winslet said she felt less than a woman because she had her daughter by caesarian. I understand what she meant but it upset me that this woman who carried this other being around inside her felt less than womanly because she didn't push it through her vagina...I applaud women who deliver 'naturally' no drugs, no hospital, it's been done for years this way and to continue the tradition is admirable but to imply that having a baby any other way as unnatural sometimes comes off as pretentious to me. Depending on the person of course.

It's all about choices right? I choose to have an epidural because it's available and I feel safest that way, someone else may choose herbs and meditation to ease the pain, who says one is better than the other? Who decides that one is lesser than the other? I've never given birth but when/if I do I want to be able to make the choice and not have to fear being labeled as less than a woman for not being able to or choosing not to push the baby through my vagina. It's coming from my uterus there is nothing that screams woman more than that.

I want to also address the fact that having a baby is not the be-all and end-all of being a woman, some women choose not to have a baby, others aren't able to and again to be labeled less than a woman says so much about who we are as a species it's beyond hilarious. We value birthing because it's apart of our genetic makeup but one facet of a developing species is the freedoms awarded to its members, we need to stop shunning those who do not choose to have a similar lifestyle to our own.

Posts from the BB

So much bullshit in my life right now. Getting no R-E-S-P-E-C-T from man nor beast. My land lady is the biggest bitch alive, my workplace..., yep and my social life is about as hilarious as ever.

Keeping my head up, keeping myself alive, ensuring that I continue to survive and help my family survive. Tired of feeling like the person who keeps giving and getting nothing so I just stopped. A new issuing of myself and all I've to offer.

A little cryptic right? No more shunning. I'm gonna do my job and hope I get that position I applied for, hoping I can do well in the interview. Wish me luck please!

Brand New Day

Today's a brand new day a new to be revered a day to live love and laugh. Take it in, inhale breathe deeply and know that life is what you make it.

After that introspection let's get to it. I have no idea what's happening in Jamaican gossip so i just cannot do a Weh Yu Mean? post anytime soon. Once I get caught up we'll definitely have something to kick ass with. I can do a Movies I Saw Last Week and maybe a little Queerty Knows Best if time allows so hold your hats and horse ladies and gentlemen because here we go... Movies I Saw Last Week

Kung Fu Panda - Soooo good. Animated films have been kicking ass for the past few years and this is no exception. Kids and adults alike would enjoy it. Certainly it's predictable but what movie isn't? It's fun and funny. The secondary characters were a little weak though, more like background decoration than characters but it didn't detract from the film too much. I really enjoyed it. 8/10

Tropic Thunder - OMFG! This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a looong time. I am usually not a big fan of Ben Stiller movies but i was laughing out loud mostly the entire time. The one line zingers are just too much to bear. It was hilarious. Each character held their own and I can see why the tom Cruise character was singled out. I didn't expect any of that shit from Tom Cruiazy, truly, truly funny and engaging and just the right balance of 'What the fuck?' and 'Oh My God at what he said'. Robert Downey Jr. was MONEY in this role, I definitely agree with the Oscar nomination I mean come on 'playing a dude disguised as another dude' was priceless. the characters are what make this movie the plot left alot to be desired but it was played so well that it worked. 8.5/10

Star Trek - AMAZING! Cinematography gives this movie the edge, it's beautifully made. The acting was just right. Not over the top, no mimicry the actors shine through as themselves and as the already established characters in these roles, making them their own. It was funny, terrifying, alluring, enchanting, mesmerizing...the adjectives could go on. No real standout performer but a very cohesive cast. If there's anything bad about it is that I didn't really enjoy the villain as much as I should have, I mean Eric Bana can only play the role they give him so I cant really fault his acting, he was good I just didn't like the character very much. Greatly anticipating a sequel (crosses fingers, knocks on wood) Hope it's as good as the first. 9/10

Hot Fuzz - One of the biggest surprises of my life. It was such a funny movie with engaging characters and an interesting plot. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost make a really good comedic team. I never expected it to be funny but it was very much so. 7/10

Run Fat Boy Run - Another movie starring the British Simon Pegg who is hilarious. The movie was not so hilarious. It had a few jokes here an there, you would get a chuckle but nothing more. Hank Azaria provides some comic relief but not much and the film leaves you wanting something more. 4/10

Now it's time for Queerty Knows Best...Hope you enjoy.

Brian

Nathan

Ollie

Sean

Tegan

As usual and always all glorious human flesh provided by Queerty and their Morning Goods section, I love that section. Click on the guys hot bodies in order to view even more glorious pictures of these magnificent species. I need to get laid. The End.

Title Pic for today -

Photo credits - http://buzz.blogger.com/2005_05_01_archive.html

Posts from the BB

Wrote this a few months ago, can't say where I was or what the hell was going on to make me spaz but this is the result.


The my Jamaica is dead,
Truly with the rising death toll and the over growing monster of our gun culture,
The my Jamaica is dead.
Fuck the white sand beaches
23 never had a chance to live it,
Drench my self in lubricant at Hedonism and find a rich white man interested in Caribbean flesh cuz that's what I am to him and to you.
You see me but you don't give a shit about the my Jamaica
What happens in the banks is high level Enron shit but everybody's fucking corrupt so what we see is the working class 10% feeding the politicians and the gun man their meals.
The my Jamaica is dead
The culture gets diluted by baseball caps two sizes too big with NYC embroidered on the front misses the total care that granny used to take to make her elaborate straw hat she wore to church when yu born and christen.
Sent overseas we are idolized for being hardworking and having a violent I don't give a fuck attitude,
But fi real I don't give a fuck
What can u do to me foreigner that my bredren hasn't beat u to?
The my Jamaica is dead.
The hospitality u see is the facade of a woman trying to ensure that her pickney dem can eat pon Sunday,
that rice and peas is never missing from a Sunday plate,
So yes she smiles and accommodates while u look on her as if she's not a fucking human being,
I just sell sah, the toilet roun di back
The shit house of course that she can't use and her babies still shitting in the grass on the walk home
The my Jamaica the culture and country I would lay down my life for continues to steal my breath,
I look at the old and the young both begging on the same side of the street and pray that tomorrow is not the day I have to join them.
The my Jamaica of donkey rides and trains and coronation market where I used to get a $20 white dolly wid yellow hair and wonder if a soh white peeple really look?
Wondering what kind of rundown and mackerel me modda ago cook tonight fi mek sure seh her big daughter have hearty food,
expressions of love shown through how we share how hard we work how unbelievably loud we get.
The my Jamaica is dead
And I one of the children who have grown to realize it
because I have been on the crux born in time to get some the ninety year old wisdom,
but young enough to know that when its dead its blood claat dead and I have no clue who's to resurrect it.
Me? Rebuild the place I love and call home? How and with whom? My cohorts are full of NYC and MIAMI pride but shudder at the thought of Kingston at 12am.
The my Jamaica is dead.
Stomped out with Tims and fake Louboutins.
......