Written in Memo

While washing plates and singing along to 'Blame it on me' by Chrisette Michele I thought about relationships (nothing new) and I came to a realization. One which made me laugh out loud thinking about it.

Here it is, no matter how much I may think I want a relationship with someone I truly don't have the emotional capacity to feel anything for anyone right now. Truly all I want is to hit it and quit it. I don't have the time, energy or even inclination to want to spend time with another person. Its so much work trying to mesh your lives, personalities and complexities. I talk about wanting the *love* but I'm perfectly happy with what I've got right now.

It was hilarious to me because I've always been the commitment advocate. Always been the one who wanted more than a mere fuck stop. I've become so cynical though that I've found myself not believing in my own bull. Maybe in a few months or years i'll feel differently but I can't see myself with someone right now. They'll get annoying, i'll get bitchy and sarcastic and what was 'like' turns into intense dislike. I don't want that. I'd rather just enjoy one ride on the roller coaster then we can move on. I just don't feel I can love that person the way they deserve to be loved.

This is kinda sad coming from me but I kept trying to think where will I put this person? Which part of my life can this puzzle piece fit and the answer was clear. The puzzle right now is complete and there's just no room for it. I see that puzzle piece as belonging to another puzzle, another lifetime, just not my life. I have so much else to worry about that I don't have time to worry about another person. I don't want an open relationship either. Emotions get involved in all relationships whatever the moniker and that's a tangled web that can lead to possibly more bullshit.

Of course I want some type of more than friend companionship but I know I can't handle it and I would never want to hurt someone else because of my current inability to give my all completely.

Also don't get it twisted I'm not talking about promiscuity or being unsafe. Always, always wear a condom. Be safe, be protected even if you're partner isn't prepared make sure you are. Remember STDs are and always have been preventable diseases.

Title Pic -

Photo credit

Officially...

Officially I'm not in a relationship with another person. Officially it sucks sometimes to be single. Unofficially I am as happy as can be as I look at myself in the mirror and smile. Realizing my current love story is with myself. Realizing that the adoration in eyes is from within and I'm loving myself more each day. It's a revelation really. I'm thanking God I had the opportunity to discover that self love finally. It's a beautiful thing.

It's Valentine's Day. I sent a message to some friends wishing them a happy one. I attached 'Because you're loved' on the end because I wanted them to know that it wasn't just superficial greetings. It was a heartfelt wish for them to know that there is at least one other person in this universal plain that loves them.

Below is a song by Floetry....the video is can be found here. Listen to it. Read the lyrics feel the passion and sensuality and pain and love. I may not be the biggest Valentine's Day fan but love is glorious and who am I to hate on a day that purports to celebrate it?

"Getting Late" By Floetry

Baby

Ooo baby

baby,baby

ooo um baby

oh baby

[1st Verse (Natalie Talking)]

We need to um talk about where

We're taking this thing.
How far we're gonna let this go.

We've been here before.

Its getting late.

[Chorus 1 (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

I'm afraid, (Don't Be)

I'm afraid, (Don't Be)

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me, twice.

Baby, oh baby baby baby

[2nd Verse (Natalie Talking)]

Listen, I've already been thinking about you on my mind.

Far too often for you,

To be here at this time

You see, one hands on nine and the other's on my thigh.

Look,I already played with the idea of you

Being here in the mornin

And the position for the crack of dawn

And the conversation before the yawning

But aah, it's getting late.

[Chorus 2 (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me twice.

Oh Baby baby baby

[2nd Verse (Natalie Talking)]

How's about I let you touch the space.

That you left behind,

The day that you stop smiling

The day that the tears started falling

But now were talking, touching

Almost making sensual again

We can taste the familiar,

Cause, the family hour supports it.

Of this moment,but was led by the movements cause ahh

It's getting late.

[Chorus 3 (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me twice.

Oh Baby baby baby

Oh baby twice baby baby.

[3nd Verse (Natalie Talking)]

I see the memories we replayed

Same space face bodies

I know there's a method to your manliness

but ah I'm a afraid

[Chorus 3 (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, you say don't be.

But I'm afraid, and you say don't be.

I'm afraid that you'll gonna hurt me baby, baby twice baby

[Ending Chorus 4]

I see the memories replayed, same space, same place

Same bodies baby I know this method to your manliness

But I'm afraid, babe

I see the memories replayed, same space, same place

Same bodies baby I know this method to your manliness

But I'm afraid, baby.