Posts from the new BB

Being sexy isn't necessarily an art one has to learn. If you've got a significant other they already think you're sexy. That's not to say you can't keep it lively in the bedroom, kitchen, laundry room, car...etc. If you don't have a SO you can still be sexy without even trying too hard.

My sexy is in my heels, the higher the better, and a pair of shorts or a little dress and I'm swaying to a really good song. I swish those hips and move to that beat. I get lost in that dance and it's been known to cause quite a stir...My sexy is me feeling sexy to myself and loving it. My crush's sexy was his smile. It didn't show up often but when it does, damn...it's panty dropping time.

I hate that the term 'sexy' has an image of some big tittied white girl with nought but a string in her ass. Sexy is about sensuality and a positive body image no matter what size or shape you are. Sexy is in the way you walk and talk and smell and listen and dream and believe. It's all those things and it's intimacy and happiness and love.
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So what do I do?

I had a friend from work ask her friend if she thought she used men only for sex. I chuckled a bit because well I had been contemplating the same for a little while. Sure I already tried to have a friends with benefits arrangement that just exploded in my face when I realized I didn’t want to be having sex with someone who could call out someone else’s name during coitus without fear of repercussion. That isn’t me. It’s not the life I want for myself. I tried I really did and it was fun for a time, but once that orgasm faded all that’s left is someone you’re not attached to, someone who may or may not be thinking about checking Keisha and Dawn later and tomorrow.

I turn into an asshole when I’m in a relationship though. Like I become a simpering mess. At least that’s how I felt the last time I was in one. When I mentioned this to an ex he told me how far from the truth I really was.

“You guard your feelings like the best soldier I’ve ever seen. Hard to get close to, hard to know what you’re really thinking or feeling. Felt alone a lot of the time.”

Damn.

I don’t think I’m that way with my friends. I tend to smother them… In my head though I’m thinking “Don’t be a burden, don’t get too close, don’t make them see too many feelings because they’ll take advantage. Don’t get hurt.” Just the riches I carry with me from my feelings of abandonment from my parents. You know the normal shit. The shit I’m trying to be better than. Trying and failing it seems.

I thought we were going well up until those last 2 months or so and I had all intentions of using that relationship as a foundation to make the next one better. Now I don’t know. I can’t have a FWB kind of thing because it just doesn’t work for me. I can’t do real relationships either apparently because I have no feelings. Ok fine I have feelings but they’re the size of the Grinch’s heart before he met Cindy Lou.  So what do I do?

Post from the new BB

My homie is pregnant. She's gonna have a baby this year and honestly the first thought that ran through my mind was 'I'm not ready.' No need reminding me that I'm not the one pregnant. No need to remind me that I won't have any major responsibility when it comes to this baby. The first and only thing that comes to mind nowadays is about me.

How am I going to handle it? How will this affect my life? Should I avoid this/be a part of that? I'm so self absorbed, I've closed myself up in a box that just cannot be opened...at least until baby sweetness came into my hemisphere. It's not my baby but I feel some responsibility, not much but some. The baby's already my favorite person, how is that possible for someone not yet born and in someone else's uterus?

Honestly I'm not ready for a baby and I think 24 is young but that's for me, my homie can handle it and I support the choices she's made. She'll be a great Mom and I can't wait to be Aunty Tsag.
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Let's have a toast...

Oh well for the morose I’m doing a Weh Yu Mean? post today because it’s looooong over due. As a side note never compromise who you are for someone else. It’s a lesson some of us only need one lesson in and others need an entire semester. You are amazing, remember that. I will definitely try to. If this works I’ll do a Queerty Knows Best later if not I’ll find something else to post.

Weh Yu Mean?

• If you know me at all then you know EXACTLY where I’m headed first.  Addijah ‘Vybz Kartel’ Palmer. I…When….I don’t even know where to start. What possible chemical allows a man to turn from onyx to citrine cannot be healthy for you? Weh Yu Mean? The man Sammy Sosa the ting and then had the AUDACITY to sing a hook saying ‘Cool like me wash me face wit the cake soap…’ Now tell me… Along with being more than surprised by his sudden pigment change I was also shocked at the initial response of his peers, fans and non-fans alike. There was no response. No one said a thing. Sure Kiprich tried, I repeat tried, to respond with a song that I refuse to look up the name for but his efforts failed when people started asking ‘What is a Kiprich?’
• It seems the initial shock must have worn off though as members of the dancehall community are now poking their heads out of the ground to utter hilarious, contemptuous and disgusted comments about his pigment change. Weh Yu Mean? Bounty Killer spewed his few…Did you see that ER interview a few weeks ago? Baby Cham kept silent about it but Bounty as his moniker suggests was bountiful with the comments, quips and remarks. Bounty the interviewee is PRICELESS. Aidonia has also given his $0.02 which seems to be less about the bleaching and more about…well who cares? Over the past few weeks Kartel has been responding to both overt and whispered comments 9can you believe he was on RAGA? Ummm….) Of course Kartel has responded he loves the sound of his own voice. The interviews have been AMAZING!
• I heard Sting flopped. Weh Yu Mean? I didn’t go so no skin off my back. I heard that both Beenie man and Sizzla showed up, as usual, and gave really good performances. I cannot name one ’new’ artist right now giving as amazing stage performances as those that have been in the business for years.
• I-Octane had one of the best years in 2010 and he’s one artiste I find will most likely stand the test of time. Weh Yu Mean? He had hit after hit and closed the year with a big endorsement deal from Digicel… he was headliner at a few  shows and he’s not stupid, he’s a conscious artiste but still fun and he’s not arrogant. That’s kinda what we’re looking for in our entertainment. At least I am.
• Why can’t I stop singing ’My unni bunch, my unni bunch…’ Weh Yu Mean? Vybz Kartel’s Christmas ‘carol’ ‘Like Chrtistmas’ feat Sheba was one of the better things to come out of 2010. Hilarious, unintentionally so of course, always unintentionally.
• Where is Busy Signal? Why is Mr. Lexx trying to revive a currently non-existent career? Why the Christmas/New Year so boring? Will Buju address his stint in the slammer at his hotly anticipated return to the stage in Miami? Are Beenie and D’Angel still together? Weh Yu Mean?
  

  It felt great writing another Weh Yu Mean? after so long. Look out for new updates.

Posts from the new BB

Curious…very curious. As I speak with my homie Axela about my friends not meeting my last boyfriend, I realize I never met any of his friends either. In fact we didn’t do much for a while there. He lived out of town mostly and though I’d visit most times we did nothing more than stay locked up in his house for days. Sure one could argue that because he was so far away spending as much time as possible with each other was uppermost  in our minds. This can explain the times he lived out of town but what of those times he lived within Kingston? 

We were together for a few years and during my college years he lived down the street from my university. Thinking on it now I guess I kinda knew he was hiding me and our relationship and I went along with it because he was there and he wanted me and I was happy. I loved him and I thought he loved me. In the end I just knew that our infidelities were not the only reason for our break up. I was just blaming us ending on the fact that trust was lost, but hey we never really had trust to begin with. He was hiding me and our relationship. Sure I met his Mom and some of his family and they were nice I guess I used that as the crutch to dispel my suspicions but I knew. I knew and I let him have his way because he was there and I was happy and I felt like someone wanted me. Wow. I am so disappointed in myself. So angry at myself because I thought I was stronger than that, thought I was a stronger person and in some ways I am now but this just shows how flawed I still am. 

I was just repressing these feelings, hoping to save myself the heartache. You can’t run or hide from your problems I should have figured that out by now. Now I am wondering if I should confront him about it? We’re still friends, whatever that means. Should I? Or should I let him and this fucked up relationship go and move on in the direction that I want my life to go. I don’t want someone who’s going to be afraid to be seen with me or afraid to have his friends know thata we’re together because I’m better than that and better than him. Using this opportunity to better myself not as a means to get depressed, that alone shows growth. I am glad.

Post from the new BB

It's a new year and other than some birds and fish dying and being broadcasted over every fucking news channel that ever existed, it feels the same. I'm happy to announce that I didn't bring my crush into this year. It was nice while it lasted but it ended as it should. It felt great to have a crush again. Allowed me to feel as young as I am. Allowed me to re-visit all those feelings I used to have.

Tired of lonely saturday nights. Last night was prolly the most boring I've had in a while, nothing to watch, nothing to do and no one to talk to. All my friends have significant others, well if not all most. I don't nor do I really want that. I'm happy being single right now, I truly am. It's just a bore though when there's nothing to do.

Sex is secondary. If I needed or wanted sex I could get it anytime but I'm over casual sex. No matter how many fantasies I may or may not have, casual sex holds no appeal for me anymore. And since I have no current intentions to be in any relationships I'm pretty much celibate for 2011. Celibacy is in right?
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Posts from the new BB

I wrote the previous post a few weeks ago and decided I might as well post it. Ah well...kinda hot right?

So it's a new year! Happy new year! I'm as happy as I can be, happier than most, healthier than most. I have to be thankful for that.

Be happy, be great and be blessed.

Live, Love, Laugh.
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