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I do not want to talk about him right now, death is still too fresh in the air and some things are just not to be talked about.

I don't think my friends really know how hard it is for me. I know everyone's got their problems and I guess its extremely self righteous of me to assume that they or anyone should be thinking or caring about what I feel, but that's the problem. I don't think people should care about me and when they don't show interest I'm hurt. Its not their fault but I don't know how to relate to them that it hurts me that there's no one that I have a strong connecting bond with. We share so many things in common hence why we're friends but I've come to realize its just not enough. I think its as much as anyone can ask for and no more. I feel like its the pinnacle of this friendship.

We're still the same nothing much changing and I'm ready for that change. I put myself out there why can't the same be done for me? Why am I the only one who gives a fuck? Am I the only one who realizes that something is wrong? Is everyone else happy? It took the death of a loved one for me to realize that I'm unhappy in the one part of my life that I thought I was happy. Tragedy and grief will ensure that you face the truth. The truth it seems is what I've never wanted.