New year, good year?

The year began with me suffering from the flu. I missed a few days of work because it had me laid all the way out. Even so this year I didn't feel left out or that I missed anything by celebrating the newness in sleep which is kind of new for me. In the past I have felt and expressed my loathing of staying home on New Year's Eve. Being home felt like my ushering a new year in the same monotony I had done the previous 364 days. I've always felt that being out, no matter where, would be much better than spending it alone at home watching other people have fun. This year though I was happy to be home. Sure I was recovering from the flu but it felt like it was exactly where I needed to be. Maybe this is another adult achievement unlocked, the one where you don't stress the small shit like whether or not you're at home to celebrate a new year. A lot of that has been happening lately. Adult achievements gained I mean, like paying off my student's loan, actually applying for that job I really want, going back to school, seriously figuring out what I want to do with my life, making concrete plans to achieve my goals, tolerating less and less fuckery.

I've been 1upping all over the place. It feels exhilarating and I'm sure bad times lay ahead somewhere, bad times are always ahead…somewhere, but I think I can handle them a little better than I did even 2 years ago.

And like I know bad times are ahead somewhere I know good times are everywhere, waiting for me to open my eyes and claim them and that's what this year is about for me. I vowed to say yes more this year, to be more action and less talk. I vowed to get a little healthier, to eat better and put some cardio in my life. I promised to get that piercing I've been putting off and go blonde and wear more dresses and go to the beach more often. I vowed to take more trips locally and internationally, to visit my brothers and mother. I vowed to make my Mom's life a thousand times better in whatever form I can. I vowed to make every second, every breath, every step and every decision count. Feels like I'm marrying myself, and in a way I kind of am. I'm taking responsibility for my life and the choices I have made in it. I'm taking responsibility and I'm working to improve my life. I think that's what becoming an adult means.

This also includes choosing who I want to spend my time with and who I allow to be a part of my life. There are a lot of things I tolerate about people and their beliefs but one thing I refuse to tolerate and have been vocal, somewhat, about is the blatant homophobia that some people in our society perpetuate. The lies people tell themselves to justify their treatment of others is fucking ridiculous. If we do not seriously examine the root and cause of this problem it will never be solved, it will never get better and this country will continue to suffer for it. The bible and religion are not the whole story and using it as an excuse to treat people the way they have done is the tragedy that befalls our amazing nation. We are so resilient and wonderful and I love being Jamaican but I HATE the way some people use their fucked up beliefs to justify their unjustifiable hate of and actions against a subsection of our society. It's fucked  up and I'm not here for it. And I'm not here for anyone who continues to spew the bullshit.

So this year is my year, the year of the grump, because let's face it I'm kind of a miserable bitch. I'm claiming it in all it's glory, in all it's magnificence I claim it. It's mine and I'm ready. Let's go!