Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Posts from the BB

Anyone who has ever sacrificed anything for someone else knows that in their heeart of hearts they resent that person just a little bit. You may not regret the decision but there's definately some resentment there that eats at you.

There's nothing worst than a dream deferred but what I do is to think of those dreams as attainable goals. There is absolutely nothing stoppin me from doing what I want to but to expect to do it all by the time you are 25 is unrealistic and ridiculous. Live your life. This can span over 70 years and sure nothings promised but what kind of life can you have if you continue to measure your acheivements by otherrs standards? Never give up on yourself, love the you that is here and now and work your hardest to see the you that you want tomorrow. I love my my life but that doesn't mean I'm unrealistic about it. I resent that I won't be able to do all the things I want right away but I've adapted made new goals that are even more spectacular and more amazing than I could ever imagine.

The me that I am right now is as perfect as she can be and I love her for that.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Posts from the BB

I do not want to talk about him right now, death is still too fresh in the air and some things are just not to be talked about.

I don't think my friends really know how hard it is for me. I know everyone's got their problems and I guess its extremely self righteous of me to assume that they or anyone should be thinking or caring about what I feel, but that's the problem. I don't think people should care about me and when they don't show interest I'm hurt. Its not their fault but I don't know how to relate to them that it hurts me that there's no one that I have a strong connecting bond with. We share so many things in common hence why we're friends but I've come to realize its just not enough. I think its as much as anyone can ask for and no more. I feel like its the pinnacle of this friendship.

We're still the same nothing much changing and I'm ready for that change. I put myself out there why can't the same be done for me? Why am I the only one who gives a fuck? Am I the only one who realizes that something is wrong? Is everyone else happy? It took the death of a loved one for me to realize that I'm unhappy in the one part of my life that I thought I was happy. Tragedy and grief will ensure that you face the truth. The truth it seems is what I've never wanted.