Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Posts from the new BB

'Truth about Cats and Dogs' is one of my all time favorite movies. It's one of those fluff romantic comedies from the 90's that really resonated with me. Mostly because around the first time I saw it I was going through a really rough time. A time when being anything but conventional was disregarded.

I mean sure you can argue that pitting Janeane Garofolo and Uma Thurman is kinda two sides of the same coin because they were both beautiful women. To me though I got the message of the story. Suffice it to say this movie may have been the start of the process and journey I'm on with loving myself as is.

This movie was terribly significant as well because I had a sort of 'Truth...' Moment in real life. In the movie the protagonist Abby/Donna has a 7-hour phone conversation with the guy, Brian, she's interested in. At that time in my life, as with most teenagers, most of my relationships were maintained by phone. This one particular dude I actually met on the phone, my friends and I prank called his number and we struck up a conversation.

Now this guy, let's call him Dudley*, and I decided to have a private conversation. He was about 17/18 years old to my 14/15 and we seemed to hit it off really well. He was really nice and we spoke about a lot of things and laughed about bullshit. It was a fun night. We were on the phone for hours. After hours of convo we decided we should meet up in person.

I was and still am really shy so I was hesitant and nervous about meeting him. Eventually I agreed and at my acquiesance he said something like,

"I want to kiss you so bad. I'm going to kiss you when I see you."

Now 15 year old me was swooning. He was complimenting on my voice and telling me how great I sounded personality and voice wise and he couldn't wait to meet me.

So cut to maybe a week later I did what I now call 'The stupidest fucking thing I could have ever done' I went over to his house. By myself. Without telling anyone where I was going or who I was going to be with. Trust me. I know.

I arrive at his house about mid-morning. It's hot as hell I'm sweating and I have on what can only be described as middle aged Jehovah's Witness attire i.e. long grey skirt and a cotton T-shirt. My hair's in a bun on top of my head and I'm giving 'sweaty chubby girl going to sabbath later' realness. So I'm already uncomfortable.

I'm nervous as hell but not scared aka stupid. Dudley was adorable, very cute in a nerdy I wear glasses and like chemistry way and so very tall. I could tell though that as soon as he saw me it wasn't happening. He tried hard not to let it show though. I hit him with some sarcasm cuz you know...I'm an idiot and it's my go-to response. He let's me in and I sit on his floral couch thinking,

'I wonder if I'm gonna get raped? What are you doing bitch? Thought he was going to kiss me...*sad face*'

I notice he has a picture of his Mom and sister and I compliment them saying how pretty they were and then there's awkward silence for maybe 30 minutes when he 'remembers' he has to bring his car to the mechanic.

To tell the truth I was kinda relieved because since I figured out that there would neither be a kiss involved nor him turning the fan on during this hot ass day I say great just bring me home. We drive in almost silence to my house and during the drive I'm looking at everything but this dude who totally rejected me seconds after seeing me. Finally we arrive at my house or at least close to my house I told him to let me off within the general area so that no one I knew saw me getting out of this car driven by some dude they didn't know.

I think the worst part of this fucking disastrous day wasn't even this whack ass motherfucker it was the fact that once I was home there was no electricity. *womp* It was the MIDDLE OF SUMMER!!!! In Jamaica! I don't know how I survived the heat of that day. I literally just sat on my stoop looking forlorn and to the sky wondering if I could buy one of those hand held fans.

I laugh at this now but then I was pretty hurt. Especially by he fact that he didn't call me back nor did he answer my call the one time I called him after our meeting. There were no dogs with roller skates or any expressions of love from some British guy but I learnt a hell of a lot about myself and about how stupid one can be. He was cute though.

* - Not his real name