Tuesday, September 22, 2009

You Know What...?

People try their damnedest to get the better of me but what I think they don't know or realize is that I'm not a pussy.

I don't adhere to pussy behavior and refuse to back down from actual pussies.

I WARN do.not.fuck.with.me.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Posts from the BB

I always get the question of why I don't go to church, I hate admitting it but I evade the question. I don't believe in church, I'm happy for those who have found spritual completeness in church but that's not what my experience is.

People worship in different ways and this is my chosen way. I worship God with just him and me. No one else needs to be involved. I will not knock the church experience but its for me, I don't know if this will change about me, I often think I'm looking for that place where I can worship with like minded folks but haven't found that yet and so I feel complete by myself and don't wish to join the church experience.

I love God but I'm no saint and those who pretend to be are funny to me but I refuse to take shit from anyone so any bible thumping bigots can step the fuck back.

I am who I am and choose to be no one else.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Posts from the BB

I am uncertain when the day came that I began to think of they as entities separate from me.

Listening to Sinead O'Connor 'Nothing Compares to You' and this type of emotion puzzles me,I'm not certain what it feels like and I crave it. I want to revel in it, this emotion that makes you feel the vibrations from these people. I stand aside and observe, I don't know what it feels like.

I've had relationships end badly, I recall some of those feelings but to me it always seems like people emote 100% more than I do. What I felt appeared to be only a snow cap to their icebergs.

I've felt anger but not rage, infatuation but not love, lust but not passion. The extreme of the emotion still eludes me and so I stand back, a curious observer wondering these feelings are, how can they be described or measured?

In a previous post I spoke about finding that grand passion, the soul tearing wish I'd never met you can't live without shit that make people go crazy. How does that happen? How do you get to that point? I can't see past that threshold much less to push past it. Maybe I just haven't met that person yet. I'm passionate about other things in my life but I feel like not being completely free with my emotions holds me back.

My will is too strong. I'm afraid of myself as that person, free of my imposed norms. I'm scared of what she might look like once she's out.