Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Post from the new BB

It's the swoon. That sigh when you see them after an absence or when they smile, laugh, speak, move, cough...I know you know what I mean. It's their smell and walk and general carriage that make you swoon.

They make you light headed and sway because it overwhelms you. Takes you by surprise. That swoon you're just not ready for it. That involuntary reaction to the person you're really feeling.

I'm crushing really hard right now. Crushing mighty hard and uncertain how to continue, how to transition from crush to potential suitor. Uncertain if I should even make the attempt. Thinking I should count my winnings and let this infatuation play itself out. I've pretty much reconciled with the fact that it really will never happen. Seeing him everyday though throws a wrench in the plans to murder the crush. I also made the, I realize now, misguided decision to tell my friends. They won't let it drop so I can't let it drop.

Oh the swoon. It takes me over when I see dude smile and laugh and generally be himself. Wish I didn't have these feelings, makes things so complicated. One sided love affairs suck.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Posts from the new BB

Christmas Day was spent at work having laughs with friends and co-workers, then at home reconnecting with family. I am amazed at how big my younger brothers are getting and my baby sister is super tall and super spoiled...just like me I guess.

My cousin brought her kids and they're getting big too. I'm not too big on family. The only family I've really only known is my Momma and that's mostly all I've needed. Christmas is the time we all connect though and that feels fitting, feels right.

My friends tell me I'm an adult now...Lord knows when that happened. Celebrating being an adult by doing what I want and being who I am. I love me and I discovered this year that I really like me too and that's all I ask for right now.

The year is ending and it has been a good year, a year filled with many trials, many failed expectations, may laughs and many blessings.

Be blessed, be happy.

Posts from the new BB

Written December 24th
It's Christmas Eve. Where are you tonight? I'm in pretty much the place I was last year...different house, different mindset, different me. Maybe its not exactly the same. This year I have a crush on a coworker. This year my friends are still that but the number has dwindled. This year I've made a concerted effort to be less of a punk and more of an adult.

This year I dont give a fuck what you want from me, this year I take less bullshit, this year I like myself more.