Posts from the BB

My final post for 2009. Since the lovely blockade of blogger at work I've had to be posting through through the BB. I love my BB but this shit aint easy.

I have a few posts I should have updated in November but that's fine ill do them in 2010. I just want to wish everyone a beautiful, prosperous, happy, healthy and safe new year. Dance a little dance, make a little love, be happy and live happy.

Spend time with those you love and who reciprocate that love but for the new year also remember to love yourself because truly that's 100% happiness right there, everything else is just brawta.

Allow Me to Introduce Myself...

I know for certain that what I wish for myself is greater than ill probably achieve but I can't help hoping. There are some times when life gets overwhelming and all I want to do is lay down and let it take over,let it run whatever course it wants to. Then I snap myself out of that and start dreaming the dreams I began to have when I realised that I could know more and be more than my economic status denoted. My mother is the greatest person I know because she never made me give up on myself. She knew there was so much more that I could achieve and she never gave up on that for me. I will love her forever for that shit because that instilled in me a belief system that cannot be shaken. There are many things my mom and I don't agree on but I thank God for her everyday because I finally understand what people mean when they say that someone made them who they are. She may not have carried me but she made me.

Perusing The Sartorialist for a few hours. I can't get over these outfits. If I be proactive I'm certain I could be and do more than merely exist. Right now I wear what I have, I don't try to do much with my outfits I just war what's convenient but I know I can spruce up my wardrobe, be more proactive in how I dress. I mean come on I have no fucking excuse. I refuse to conform but I'm certain that my own niche is there somewhere. It doesn't have to be expensive either. I'm a bigger girl and I find it hard to find clothes that not only fit but come in colors other than black, white and tan. I don't wish to look like a sausage but I can definitely do something more. I'm not big on the fashions that currently exist either so I'll have to try to go for timeless in my selections.

Though it's not my taste I've always found my friends to have amazing instincts when it comes to fashion. Axela can really create a great outfit that looks amazing on her tall figure. Eanehj as a bigger girl herself really can put an outfit together to highlight her greatest assets, from work to parties it's always perfect for her. Irrek-Nna always looks great to me, love her outfits, I like her taste in clothes which I think is kinda similar to my own. Arteip has a great fashion sense, I love that her quirkiness shows so strongly in her taste so her clothes have a little quirk and fit her really well. Akimat has some great clothes and shops merely by instinct for her it's perfect and it always works. I love that Assenav takes risks with her outfits not just with style but with color as well, wish I were as brave.

I really dont know much about fashion for that I leave it to @JhayOC and @dwaynefighter (check out his blog Don't Call me a Fashionista, you'll spend hours) but I know what I love and as usual I'm inspired so look out for...Trespasser Se7en.

Title Pic...

Engendrer et L'enfant

A few days ago I was sitting in a taxi contemplating what would be my next picture for my 365 twitpic project* when I look to my right and see this tall, brown, young Rasta man, very cute and he's standing alone holding these 2 babies. The youngest was months old maybe 5 or 6 and in a carrier latched to his body and the oldest he's holding in his arms, looked over a year maybe 2 years old. He's standing at the bus stop and it was so unexpected that I sat frozen in the taxi.. It was such a great picture. I wanted to capture it with my camera but could only take a snapshot in my mind instead. Its still there so beautiful and so profound. It was life and it was amazing.

Title Pic (gorgeous right?) -

Photo Credit

*I have been taking at least 1 picture a day and posting it to my twitpic page. I hope to go one year as a record of my entire year. I think it will be fun.

I Start...

'if we bottled love, it would be like peace and war in the same bottle, a cure for all diseases and the greatest biological weapon at the same time...'

I love that quote...It's such a perfect depiction of love. KP my friend wrote that in the comments of my last post. (LOVE HER!) It's so fitting. Love is so complex, so disastrous, so amazing. She asks if I'm really ready...I don't even know. The first thing I thought was 'YES! I'm more than ready!' but I'm uncertain. I'm ready for honest love, love that doesn't want to strangle you with sweetness I'm ready for it to be real. No sugar coating.


I watched (500) Days of Summer (review below) and one quote jumped out at me. The leads' friend is talking about his girlfriend he's had for years and he says something along the lines of his dream girl has bigger boobs and so on but his girlfriend is better than a dream she's real. That was the best quote of the entire movie. I didn't really feel much in the movie but I certainly felt that when he said it. I thought 'That's exactly what I want' I have no misconceptions about the people I will love and who will love me, I'll love who they are because they are real...they are...


I realize I haven't done a Weh Yu Mean? in ages so I'll just round up the goss I can and let loose, I'm also gonna do a Movies I Saw Last Week and throw in a !!Hot Guy of this Day!!... Here we GO!


So Weh Yu Mean?

• Busy, Busy, Busy...Paternity tests? Photocopying cheques for tabloid newspapers? This is where your life has gone? Weh Yu Mean? Men can't keep their dicks in their pants and women keep popping out babies like the world isn't spiralling out of control. Handle your business Busy just handle it...Do these entertainers have publicists? If not it's definitely needed.
• This Gully/Gaza foolishness has gone too far now. Since when did we turn into Israel and Palestine? How the fuck you attack someone for their opinions on music? Music? Weh Yu Mean? This shit is being thrown around in schools and that's the saddest thing ever. How can we be progressive when we fuck up our kids?
• Congrats to Tami Chynn and Wayne Marshall on tying the knot. Weh Yu Mean? The wedding looked beautiful and I'm happy they're happy.

I know very weak but my usual source for all things suss-ery seemed to have dried up (AKA the links aren't working) Oh well on to Movies I Saw Last Week.

(500) Days of Summer - Movie left me feeling pleasant, like a slight Christmas breeze, its a little sweet and refreshing but a little cold. I enjoyed it but wasn't bowled over not stating this is a bad thing just pleasant though. I was kinda able to go through it half a step ahead of the plot. Joseph Gordon-Levitt gave a performance I didn't really expect. Candid and emotional and based in reality. Pretty good. Zooey Deschanel was sweet and I identified with her character most. I liked the movie but it doesn't grab you I wasn't left wanting more I was left feeling pleasant which is better than most. I tried to love it but left merely liking it and kinda not wanting to see it again though I completely understand and feel it's appeal. 7.75/10

Madea Goes to Jail - I wish I could skip over this and say I didn't voluntarily watch it but I can't so I won't. I'm so tired of the Tyler Perry movies, so tired and yet I continue to watch and I have absolutely no cause to. The plot was all over the place and the acting was cringe worthy, if it wasn't over the top it was completely under par. The title of the movie is Madea goes to jail which she does in the last 15 minutes of the movie. What happened during the other parts of the movie you ask? I have no idea I was pretty much looking but not seeing, hearing but not listening during the entire thing. I laughed not once. Oh Tyler, Tyler Tyler... 3/10

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - I think Ive watched this movie at least 10 times now. I love it. I watch it over and over again because there is always a nugget of gold that I missed before. I practically know the dialogue word for word. Michael Cera is made for these quirky awkward I'm shy but confident roles. I loved it and him, Kat Dennigs was such a surprise Ive never heard of her before now so i had no expectations (for once) but she was very sweet very endearing perfect match for Cera's seemingly unchanging character. A little convoluted and the awkwardness of the characters can be a little challenging to follow but it works in the end. 9/10

Cadillac Records - There is no real standout character of the film. I loved the film for opening my eyes to a myriad of stars from the 40's, 50's and 60's stars I would have never known of otherwise. I was happy that it made me want to learn more about these people. The movie itself was slow to start and some of the actor;'s characterizations rather than being transformative were very distracting. If there was one person who did shine it was Columbus Short (featured !!Hot Guy of the Day!!) usually in movies he plays the hunky but dumb brother but I felt something from his character this time around. He pulled me in. I liked that the movie was about the people and not necessarily about the time but I would have loved some more inclusion of what the times were like then and the response the artistes received. 5/10

Sex Drive - The movie's abut a guy who goes on a trip to visit some girl he's been talking to online and all the things that transpire on that ride. It was not at all funny, the actors were...young and not very compelling. I cannot find one positive thing about this movie. From that I'm certain you can infer what my rating would be I refuse to put one.

!!Hot Guy of The Day!! is Jason Momoa (born Joseph Jason Namakaeha Momoa) hot guy of this day August 1, 1979.

Jason - j(a)-son\ is pronounced JAY-sun [Greek] means - healer. Mythology: the hero who led the Argonauts in search of the Golden Fleece

Joseph - j(o)-se-ph\ is pronounced JOH-sef [Hebrew] means - God Will Increase, May Jehovah add/give increase.

When my friend got married a few years ago I attended her wedding and as I sat in the pews watching her recite her vows looking up on the man she loves, her other half (he's her match perfectly) I teared up, something I never do over sappy moments. This was so much more real than anything I'd ever seen on TV and it was a thousand times better. Everytime I convince myself that I've never seen/experienced the real thing I remember that moment and the look of sheer happiness on her face as she said 'I do'. The wedding/marriage path has never crossed my mind as something I would consider for myself but I love seeing other people get married.. I love weddings because in that moment when vows are said in most cases love is so present that everyone around feels it.

I had intended to start this post with my night out with Akimat but I was reading the coverage of Tami Chynn and Wayne Marshall's wedding and it just magnified the feelings going through me after my night out. So Akimat's 5 feet 8 inches of uptown pretty, cute shoes and chic outfits. I am 5 feet 8 inches...that's about where our physical similarities end. We're friends because we're exceptionally similar in the way we think and our personalities work well together and when we go out I try never to compare myself to her because we are so different physically. I try to hold my own confidence I can't and don't want to be her so ill be the greatest person I can be.

Rambling aside we're out at club Bore* and we're sitting down looking around grooving a little and I look across the room and there's a group of guys standing facing us. At first. I don't really pay too much attention because as Akimat said quite fittingly it was a 'sausage fest', there were alot of guys so I couldn't really differentiate one guy from the next. I do eventually notice them though because one of them was just staring at us non stop. So I do the girl thing do a little shake and throw a surreptitious glance now and then to see if he's watching. I do that a few times and realize he's definitely staring. I realize that he's moved from the wall and walking towards us and immediately all sorts of butterflies let loose throughout my entire body not just my stomach. He's moving closer and closer and closer and...well you get the picture. I'm poised and ready to hear what he whispers and my body's tingling. He reaches us, leans over, and starts talking...to Akimat.

Yeah. I can't even describe what I felt. I was deflated. I beat myself up all the time about not using men to validate me because they definitely don't...at least not all the time. Last night though I felt like I really needed someone to say 'hey you look nice, you smell great...blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity'...the night went even further downhill from there...it just got me thinking about loving someone, being with someone I love and having them love me back. I am so ready, so ready.

You Know What...?

People try their damnedest to get the better of me but what I think they don't know or realize is that I'm not a pussy.

I don't adhere to pussy behavior and refuse to back down from actual pussies.

I WARN do.not.fuck.with.me.

Posts from the BB

I always get the question of why I don't go to church, I hate admitting it but I evade the question. I don't believe in church, I'm happy for those who have found spritual completeness in church but that's not what my experience is.

People worship in different ways and this is my chosen way. I worship God with just him and me. No one else needs to be involved. I will not knock the church experience but its for me, I don't know if this will change about me, I often think I'm looking for that place where I can worship with like minded folks but haven't found that yet and so I feel complete by myself and don't wish to join the church experience.

I love God but I'm no saint and those who pretend to be are funny to me but I refuse to take shit from anyone so any bible thumping bigots can step the fuck back.

I am who I am and choose to be no one else.

Posts from the BB

I am uncertain when the day came that I began to think of they as entities separate from me.

Listening to Sinead O'Connor 'Nothing Compares to You' and this type of emotion puzzles me,I'm not certain what it feels like and I crave it. I want to revel in it, this emotion that makes you feel the vibrations from these people. I stand aside and observe, I don't know what it feels like.

I've had relationships end badly, I recall some of those feelings but to me it always seems like people emote 100% more than I do. What I felt appeared to be only a snow cap to their icebergs.

I've felt anger but not rage, infatuation but not love, lust but not passion. The extreme of the emotion still eludes me and so I stand back, a curious observer wondering these feelings are, how can they be described or measured?

In a previous post I spoke about finding that grand passion, the soul tearing wish I'd never met you can't live without shit that make people go crazy. How does that happen? How do you get to that point? I can't see past that threshold much less to push past it. Maybe I just haven't met that person yet. I'm passionate about other things in my life but I feel like not being completely free with my emotions holds me back.

My will is too strong. I'm afraid of myself as that person, free of my imposed norms. I'm scared of what she might look like once she's out.

Posts from the BB

We Have. By tsagrednerp

He had me
This is truthful,
From his first stare,
To his tentative touch,
He had me
Before hello,
Before we met
Before time and the universe's dimensions

Through Earth's many lives,
The desert of space
It's his eyes
All in his eyes.
This transendental knowing
This knowing is beauty
This knowing is God's message

I have him
Inside and out
I have his truth
And in that I hold his soul
We are more
And together we have...
We have...

For Humans Only

I recommend you go see 'District 9', here's my review from when I saw it on Tuesday.

Allusions, metaphors, similes... all evident in the movie.one of the better adaptations certainly, the point is rammed down your throat as disgustingly as possible. Truly I did not want and will admit I didn't watch the terribly gross parts, I couldn't. My stomach and dreams are just not strong enough. Very nice characterization from the lead, he was featured during almost the entire film and you felt like you went through it with him. The connection you felt with him definitely increases the feeling of disgust, you feel as if you are there going through it with him. I didn't wanna watch but I desperately needed to know what happens next and this so where the movie shines.

Almost a surprise a minute and at the beginning it seemingly lags for at least 30 minutes before moving at breakneck speed. Unnecessary yet helpful the scenes of 'back story' at the beginning. I get it's important to our understanding of the plot but do we really need so much of it? Other than this the movie shines as a reflection on... wait can't give it away.Personally it makes me want to learn more about it. Its not just a film about aliens and humans. So do not go expecting great battles between good and greater. Its a very believable film, very true to life.

Documentary aspect is great, editing is outstanding, cinematography was pretty good (Joburg, especially slums, usually portrayed dreary and bleak in films and though this is shown there's a clarity to the picture that emphasizes more so than the dreary). The aliens looked believable and there was seamless integration of real and unreal. Some may not like it, it really socks it to you and some may argue that its portrayal of blacks was negative but that’s not what I saw AT ALL. As @dwaynefighter said it’s a thinker’s movie, it’s a challenge and you may be up for it or you may not but do not go expecting to merely skim the surface and enjoy it, you will be disappointed.

This is been a very nice movie summer, a few more to go and of course there'll be reviews.

Title Pic -

Photo credit - http://io9.com/5194949/district-9-debuts-first-alien+abuse-footage

G.I. JOE = G.I. NO!

Akimat and I haven't seen each other in some time, she's usually my go to gal for going out cause she's always up for it and we always have a good time. So we decide let's go to the movies and we decide to see "G.I Joe". I have never really seen an episode of the cartoon. I'm familiar with some of the names but mostly have no idea who anyone is. I actually thought there was a G.I. named Joe so...

The movie is 118 minutes long and truly there are maybe 2 scenes in which I didn't roll my eyes and were some what entertaining. One of the worst films I've ever seen. No joke. Channing Tatum was as flat as a pancake and I love me some Marlon Wayans but sweet minty Jesus where did his comedic timing go? Sienna Miller? The plot? The fucking dialogue? There were 1000 things wrong and as I said only 2 scenes were good enough to warrant a positive reaction from me. I understand and appreciate the use of animation within the film I mean it's based on a cartoon you're trying to keep that feel. Everything else was a big FAIL WHALE. Sexism is ripe and rampant but that doesn't seem to be any different than most other movies nowadays. I cant believe how bad it was. If there were a saving grace it would be Joseph Gordon-Levitt...not because of his performance but I have a HUGE crush. I would recommend you see it yourself to make your own judgement but you can't say I didn't warn you. For a supposed action film it was boring too. Weird right?

I also watched "Shaun of the Dead" last week for the first time (commercial filled and censored) but beggars cant be choosers.

Have I not said how much I love Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? They're a hilarious comedic duo. Love them. The movie was filled with so much goodness. From the zombies to Bill Nighy to Pegg's character unshaking need to go to the pub, all the way to the end where Frost's character is seen in the garden shed zombified but playing a video game. It was so very good and not just funny but entertaining and surprisingly emotional. Pegg played the role beautifully (tailor made for him) I believed his emotional displays from regret, sadness, horror and in his funniest moments just above hilarious. So well made. The camera angles, the script. so great. On my list for top zombie movies.

Going to see "District 9" tonight with Arteip should be good. You can be certain there will be reviews. Live, Love, Laugh!

Today's title pic -

Photo credit - http://hotcelebs.today.com/2009/07/14/

Posts from the BB

After the fuckery today I just cannot stand anymore bullshit in life. I'm the person to always respect people's opinions, I'm the person who truly believes in everyone's right to an opinion. I may not agree but I would never judge an opinion as wrong...

Until today. I give respect when I get it, but there are people who will never respect other opinions because they are singleminded, selfish, hate mongering assholes. I refuse to be apart of that, I refuse to treat people like second class citizens. And for what? For what? Because they're gay? Are you serious? Our world is in turmoil and we're divided because of sexual orientation, religion and race. It's disgusting. It's disgusting what we as a people have become.

We were great once, we walked upright, developed opposable thumbs, created so many things with this brain of ours and this same brain is being degraded by matters that should never matter.

I don't have to be G,L,B or T to be apart of the community, I am there to support and help people who are treated like shit for no reason other than God told me it's wrong...really? God told you that? My God told me to love and treat every man,woman and child as I wish to be loved and treated.

I pray one day you will realize your error and begin to put your efforts into ensuring that babies don't starve to death and wars never get started. That's where I'll be and I'll be waiting for you. I'm by no means perfect but I like to think I know right from wrong...it's wrong, as easy as that, no need for dissertations. It is wrong. Why can't you see that?

Fell asleep doing a post a few days ago. Wrote it but didn't save it...Shame on me. Well today's review day as you should know after yesterday's Saturday premieres. Nothing good on Starz, HBO or Cinemax but Showtime came through with 'Lars and the Real Girl' starring Ryan Gosling.

Easily one of the most emotional movies ever, I never thought I'd get so invested. I believed it would be awkward and clumsy but it was truthful, reflective and sweet. I can admit I cried and it surprised me so because in recent years there haven't been many movies I've actually shed tears for but this moved me so unexpectedly. The performances were so true to life and convincing Gosling worked it so well, from the lack of eye contact to his just off normal ticks and movements to his hushed speech. Beautifully portrayed. The story is brought to life well but the story was worth it. Very well written, nicely shot and edited. Very good movie.

As I didn't do a review after last week's premieres I'll do one now of The Mummy: Dragon Empire now.

I was genuinely surprised that I enjoyed this movie. I thought it would be truly horrible but it was quite tolerable. Replacing Rachel Weisz with Maria Bello felt disingenuous and a little weird. She tried way to hard with that English accent and the love scenes between her and Brendan Fraser were awesomely cringe worthy but I still enjoyed it. I didn't laugh and certainly didn't cry, its not a movie for great emotional experiences but it was a very pleasant experience overall. The CGI stuff was done very well and the look of the movie was very becoming of the time, though I do miss the old glamor look of the first movie...as with most trilogies/series the first is usually the best and this is definitely the case here but it didn't suck as much as I anticipated and I would gladly watch it again.

I'm living and loving right now as you should...I have a Weh Yu Mean? segment coming up soon so watch out. Live, Love, Laugh!

I AM Scared of Stickshift and Fried Food and Beers

As I noted in the previous post I went to get my learner's permit (awesomely easy and fairly fast...SHOCKED!) and signed up for my first few driving lessons. Now I would have been happy and excited about my first time behind the wheel IF I had not waited 2 and a half hours just to get my time with the instructor. There were alot of people ahead of me, lack of vehicles and vehicle breakdowns....all contributed to the wait, but I was still happy to begin learning about gears and the clutch *sigh*... To facilitate my lessons, I will have to put my gym membership renewal on hold *cries softly* I can't afford both right now and so I will have to forgo one to facilitate the other.

This was not an easy decision at all. I have lost some weight and look forward to losing more but it will be hard without the gym equipment but it CAN be done and I intend to continue with it. I've decided to lessen my calorie intake even more, I'm giving up fried foods, red meat and rice *cries softly* It will be more than hard but I've always believed I'm a strong person...I mean I must be strong to endure half the shit I have so I hope I'll be strong enough for myself to continue.

Appleton Temptation Isle. The Emancipation weekend (August 1) is the weekend where (mostly) young persons celebrate freedom and independence by going to Negril on this weekend and committing all sorts of depraved acts....OK fine, it's not that bad.

young people + non stop flowing alcohol - inhibitions/sleep + hotel rooms - parents = ????

As you can see this is an interesting way to spend a weekend in which you are supposed to be celebrating and reflecting on the end of slavery. I will not be hypocritical though, I have been as the moniker implies tempted to go and frolic and be young and drunk and free but I've never gone and when my friends asked me to go I've chalked it up to my being broke (as usual) but that's not the whole truth, I just think it's an overall waste so I just never went and I never regretted that decision. The weekend is here again and at the ripe old age of 23 I'm not even tempted to go this year...*shrugs* I have made a promise to go at least once so who knows maybe next year?

photo credits - Watever.com

So since yesterday coming off my Harry Potter high few things have happened...

1. Weighed myself realized I gained a few lbs back...But I don't trust that scale so I guess this is not too much of a problem.
   
2. Just received information that they've been overpaying me the last few months and that I'm going to get a pay cut...Yeah! Total fuckery. Which now means I'll have to work more hours and overtime to keep myself solvent. PERFECT!

Well... Since I'm on hiatus from everything but my job I guess no. 2 is doable, but I don't have to like it. I was feeling really energized this morning coming to work and was thinking that I would increase my hours on my own anyway so this is just a reinforcer, so fine things aren't as bad as they seem but I just feel awful.

I'll be getting my learner's permit today and doing my first official driving lesson. I'm 23 but there's never been a real need for me to learn except to have a national ID i can use but I'm also hoping and saving for a car so...here I go. It's great and shitty growing up. There's just no other way else to describe it. It's great and shitty all at the same time.

I've decided that nothing soothes an aggravated mind like some half naked man flesh so I'll be racing the page with one of my all time faves....Queerty Knows Best.

Pablo

Ramel

Patrick

Peter

Feel free to enjoy more of these hunky men by clicking on their pictures and even more gloriously fabulous bodies on Queerty and their Morning Goods section.

I'm out for the day, happy that I'm leaving work early even happier I have a day off tomorrow.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

After waiting more than a week for it to premiere in Jamaica I finally went to see it...Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. The book was one of my faves in the series and I ended up loving the movie. Below is a review I did at intermissin and after the movie ended.

Brilliant to look at, the acting is refreshing, acting like teenagers(irrational, clumsy, emotional) but also the hint of danger and mystery is palpable, what happens next is on your mind, this book explored more than Harry and the movie took that cue and that makes it amazing. Draco, What?! What?! Compelling, dare I say riveting? Played beautifully by Felton. Surprise performance of the movie. Follows the book nicely I mean what more can you ask for?

Leave your expectations, this is not an action film, this is pure suspense and anguish rolled into one big ball of tears. I cried when 'Severus, Please...' Jumped from the pages and into my mind. I think the first of the six that displays how compelling the story is, setting the stage for how absolutely flawed the characters are. This is no mere children's story, its THE fairytale that children remember and adults continue to hold reverent.

I can certainly see why it can be called dry humping all that work and no nut busted and if ur seeing the movie without reading the book u'll be a little lost and may not appreciate the story 'I mean its Harry fucking Potter right? Where's the magic...'But its there weaved seamlessly into this amazing tale of loss and grief and courage, strength of convictions and wills.

My only bone of contention is always for every movie the scenes they so obviously delete (horribly edited) I don't buy the DVDs at least not yet and I really want to see all those scenes when I'm in the theater. Its going to be torture waiting for 7A and 7B. I think I will expire before they roll around. It will simply be awesomesauce (c) ONTD

Title Pic -

P.S. Below is what I wore to the movie...I've been waiting forever to have an excuse to wear them...I'll be wearing them at all the other movies.

Posts from the BB

If I didn't write I don't know who I'd be I would be lost without it, without this blog. I've found, over the past few days that I am as I always have been. The same shy and alone person I was eleven years ago when I had no friends and spent my lunch in the library hoping no one would notice me. Who have I been the past eleven years you may ask? I realized a few months ago someone I don't know and worse yet don't like. I realized too that this was not just a reflection of me but also a reflection of those around me and I wondered if I was the only to have realized it. I guess its like that scene from body snatchers where the girl gets up and from the cocoon only to look around and see other persons were still cocooned. I just woke up.

The catalyst is unimportant but the results have been interesting. Previous post I spoke about opening the door on the new me and wondering what will be waiting...the door is currently ajar and right now the space is empty. It scares me and it was scary when I made that realization but I've survived years without support and I can move on to the better me without someone there but I can do it and I will.

P.S. Had a great time at the movies with Arteip and will review Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tomorrow.

P.P.S. I loved it.

Posts from the BB

The most unpredictable thing you can come across is not the weather, its people. What they'll do and say as individuals or as a group has so many variables its impossible to predict. What I've learnt though is there are some patterns and if you read them well you can attempt to create a map. But what I've found is that its much easier to just let the chips fall where they may.

I am angry but you'd be surprised at what it is that I am angry about. I'm angry about the state of our world. Truly. I'm angry at how we've become and who we've become. Our society deteriorates and we calmly sit by and watch it happen. Myself included. I'm angry at people who are ignorant in their views and who choose to stay that way. I want to help as many people as I can to realize their dream, and be happy. I just want to be happy too.

Post from the BB

One of the hardest things you can do in your life is challenge the roles you've built and what others have built for and about you. I am one of the most laid back people you'll meet but of course that's merely a facade, I'm observing and analysing everything I'm just not verbal about it.

I talk about my friends a lot because that's currently the only relationship I have right now outside of my family and I've formed an attachment to it that in the past has not been the most beneficial to me or my development. This is mostly due to my bottomfeeder self esteem and what I think about myself. I don't think I deserve much so this is what I project and what I get reflected back at me from other persons.

it's who I was and in some ways who I still am but I've moved myself so far from that person that the roles I was assigned way back when we became friends just don't fit who I am now. There's a clash and so in order to avoid conflict I decided to it cold turkey remove myself from that situation completely so that possibly they'll realize the changes and either take them or leave them.

Right now I think they're leaving them and about a year ago I would have been upset about it and just go back to being that person but it's not been half as hard as I thought it would. That's a little scary. If I don't have them who do I have and by extension who the hell am I? Its an eye opening and nerve racking experience and I fear losing them but I feel like I never even had a chance to find myself so there seems to be a price to pay for everything. I don't know if they'll understand, I'm not sure if I could fully explain it so we continue to be at a standstill on friend telling another that ikm prolly just being my regular depressed bitch self not realizing or caring how hurtful that shit is, and ill continue hoping that the best me develops from this I won't think about whoever is standing beyond that reveal whether everyone or no one.

Posts from the BB

Ok maybe I was a little hard on the Twilight series and certainly I'm not sayin the book doesn't have merit, I mean the fact that the twi-hards are truly that crazy is a very revealing testimony. All I'm saying is that it's not as good as the Harry Potter series and Ms. Meyer tried to get her heathen Anne Rice for juniors on but it was a failed attempt. I'm just anticipating the end of it all, the movies, the possibility of a new book,just finish so these overweight hockey moms can go back to ignoring their kids and losing their husbands to religion, the drink or the secretary Jolene...I'm just saying.

BE REAL!

Let's be clear I am all for books, I'm the biggest fan of books I know, truly and I applaud any book that motivates people to read. Let us also be clear that the Twilight franchise is no bigger nor better than any of the LJ Smith series. Nor by any means shape or form is it even close to being able to touch the Harry Potter franchise. The books are drivel. Complete and utter mediocrity...No wait not even close to mediocre. I've decided I'm going to try to complete reading the books but everytime I start I get a puzzled expression on my face and a feeling of nausea in my gut. It's really bad. Other than a stupid love story between a vampire, wolf and human what other themes can be found throughout the books? Please let me know, I'm very interested to find out.

Let's cut the bullshit the Harry Potter books are light years ahead of many 'children's books. I would seriously consider adding year 3 and 5 to any school curriculum. It doesn't deal with sparkling motherfuckers sailing through woods or knocked up bitches trying to decide between bestiality and necrophilia. It's more than a fight between good and evil and it shows more than wands, potions and spells. It's one of the most realistic and relatable books I've ever read. No I have not, as many people have, blurred the lines between reality and fantasy, the book is complete fiction but there is more heart and emotion and human connection in every single book than in anything Stephanie Meyer has ever written. Stop the madness people step back from your sad existence and for one second be real with yourselves.

Posts from the BB

Yes I'm back! Watched 'Miracle at St. Anna' about an hour ago. A Spike Lee joint. I liked the movie but it wasn't as great as I wished it to be. The story was very compelling and most movies made about WW II are interesting especially to my generation born so long after the war had ended. It lacked connectivity and fluidity. I didn't feel a connection with any of the characters really and though they tried the actors truly didn't do much for me. The script...ok I guess 1 big problem I havd just with overall production was my inability to see the subtitles clearly. I mean if I can't read what they're saying how can I become invested in the characters. The conclusion was predictable and improbable. (Though they claimed it was a true story im still side eyeing that)

It had such great potential, needed more and it just didn't deliver. Made beautifully though, cinematography was on point.

HYPERVENTILATING!

I have a job interview in about 2 hours. I am currently hyperventilating. I currently have no one to call to talk me down so I have tobe brave and do this on my own. I'm sure Ill do fine. I may or may not get the job all the other candidates are just as good as myself. It's a toss up. All comes down to who impresses in the interview. Truly all I wish and want to do is just be myself ensure that Im engaging and give smart concise answers. Im nervous as all hel though, trying to keep calm and not fuck it up by crying or some such nonsense. I just there was someone to tell it will be fine. Let me know it's ok being myself. I just have to sell them me and thats what intend to do. Getting calmer and calmer as I write this.

As Always, Thanks for listening.

Title pic -

Photo credits - http://www.clipartof.com/interior_wall_decor/details/Woman-Hyperventilating-And-Breathing-Into-A-Bag-Poster-Art-Print-5771

Posts from the BB

When I was younger my mother said that it was great that I was ugly and fat because she wouldn't have to worry about boys...Yep she said it right in front of me too. I think about it almost everyday. Sure there was a time after she said it I thought she just wants me to be strong and confident by myself. That's not what stayed with me though.

I'm 23 and I guess I proved her right, my life seems to be failure after faiure so far. The biggest failure of course being myself. I try to tell myself that its ok to be me, yes I'm not attractive and I never will be but if I try to love me then maybe others would do the same. Maybe my family would stop treating me like a pariah, maybe my friends would stop treating me like the maid's daughter. Who am I kidding? There's nothing I can do to change what they think so I'm just going to have to do the best with myself.

Feel Good...

I was very happy with the Saturday Premieres on HBO and Cinemax last night. I finally got to see an unbootleg version of 'The Dark Knight' and 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army'. My realtime review of the former is below -

Never saw the first movie so not corrupted, usually like to watch movies in sequence. Eric Roberts, Lukas Haas....hmmm? Harvey Dent? Yes, Morgan Freeman...hmmm did they know he (Heath Ledger) was gonna die or was the first one that good? Divine intervention. Why didn't the gun go off? Dent is def playing sides...that's what I think. 23 minutes. Bloody but not overly, 'Why so serious?' Scary as shit, funny as hell. He's(Dent) so working with them. I feel it coming. 40 minutes. Will the real Batman please stand up? So far, Dent steals the show, over Joker, Wayne, Alfred, Fox...Wayne is a narcissistic fuck. Kinda like him. Maggie Gyllenhaal is not beautiful by the far stretch of the imagination here, in this she creeps me out. Gorgeous in The Secretary, this, not so much. Is this shit really needed Bats? Come on now. I'm actually engaged and interested...or is that just because I know what's awaiting that I'm excited about? Not certain. 1hour 10minutes in wondering where the hell this is going, have over an hour left. This Rachel character can I get a boo...(Not because he's playing a psycho means its a great performance, certainly it's good but not great, waiting for him to impress me. 1hour 16minutes) nice twist, didn't see it coming, if I was watching it more carefully it wouldn't have passed me by, rolls eyes, rolls eyes again, predictable twist, is it right to wish a characters death? No I feel weird so I won't ill just say that it isn't much of a loss to the film, I'm bored. 1 hour 42 minutes. Anthony Michael Hall? Truly what is this? If he were to mime this whole thing and never say a word I would find it award worthy, his performance in Brokeback Mountain was phenomenal this...he's overshadowed by Eckhart. Completely, bored. 1hour 59minutes. I like the movie for the lovely old world detective feel, memories of Kojack and Bogart in films like Casablanca and Maltese Falcon, rooting for the not so good guys because in a really good films the good and bad guys aren't all one dimensional, good girls are nonexistent(even though they didn't really have a good female role here) and bad girls get the guy, it was choice and sacrifice and gritty. That's what I get. Eckhart is money in this film, where was Bale? I will say I completely forgot about Bale saw him for the character he played and that should be applauded (the character was a little laughable) Gary Oldman (Sirius!) pretty good as well, nice emoting, Maggie Gyllenhaal...meh. Movie better than it's principals though Eckhart stood out.

I loved 'Hellboy' but the sequel seemed to leave plot behind and just bumbled its way through to an ending. The characters are likable and sweet but I missed the novelty that was the first movie, liked the direction that they tried to take it into but it missed it's mark for me when it came to story line. Very Weak. Awaiting whatever other sequels are in the works.

They premiered 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' on the Starz channel and i will admit i will be watching later today. I mean i already watched the first 2 the third can't be any worse. The first 2 weren't bad just not my thing. Just trying to complete the sequence.

The reason things have been feeling good... I just don't know. Only a few days without twitter and it feels weird but I'm not obsessing about it. Only a few days without speaking to my friends (or at least one friend in particular)....the same sentiments would apply.

Title pic -

Photo credits: - http://media.photobucket.com/image/feel%20good/jv3ecknell/614-GorillazFeelGoodInc.jpg

Posts from the BB

I read somewhere recently the Kate Winslet said she felt less than a woman because she had her daughter by caesarian. I understand what she meant but it upset me that this woman who carried this other being around inside her felt less than womanly because she didn't push it through her vagina...I applaud women who deliver 'naturally' no drugs, no hospital, it's been done for years this way and to continue the tradition is admirable but to imply that having a baby any other way as unnatural sometimes comes off as pretentious to me. Depending on the person of course.

It's all about choices right? I choose to have an epidural because it's available and I feel safest that way, someone else may choose herbs and meditation to ease the pain, who says one is better than the other? Who decides that one is lesser than the other? I've never given birth but when/if I do I want to be able to make the choice and not have to fear being labeled as less than a woman for not being able to or choosing not to push the baby through my vagina. It's coming from my uterus there is nothing that screams woman more than that.

I want to also address the fact that having a baby is not the be-all and end-all of being a woman, some women choose not to have a baby, others aren't able to and again to be labeled less than a woman says so much about who we are as a species it's beyond hilarious. We value birthing because it's apart of our genetic makeup but one facet of a developing species is the freedoms awarded to its members, we need to stop shunning those who do not choose to have a similar lifestyle to our own.

Posts from the BB

So much bullshit in my life right now. Getting no R-E-S-P-E-C-T from man nor beast. My land lady is the biggest bitch alive, my workplace..., yep and my social life is about as hilarious as ever.

Keeping my head up, keeping myself alive, ensuring that I continue to survive and help my family survive. Tired of feeling like the person who keeps giving and getting nothing so I just stopped. A new issuing of myself and all I've to offer.

A little cryptic right? No more shunning. I'm gonna do my job and hope I get that position I applied for, hoping I can do well in the interview. Wish me luck please!

Brand New Day

Today's a brand new day a new to be revered a day to live love and laugh. Take it in, inhale breathe deeply and know that life is what you make it.

After that introspection let's get to it. I have no idea what's happening in Jamaican gossip so i just cannot do a Weh Yu Mean? post anytime soon. Once I get caught up we'll definitely have something to kick ass with. I can do a Movies I Saw Last Week and maybe a little Queerty Knows Best if time allows so hold your hats and horse ladies and gentlemen because here we go... Movies I Saw Last Week

Kung Fu Panda - Soooo good. Animated films have been kicking ass for the past few years and this is no exception. Kids and adults alike would enjoy it. Certainly it's predictable but what movie isn't? It's fun and funny. The secondary characters were a little weak though, more like background decoration than characters but it didn't detract from the film too much. I really enjoyed it. 8/10

Tropic Thunder - OMFG! This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a looong time. I am usually not a big fan of Ben Stiller movies but i was laughing out loud mostly the entire time. The one line zingers are just too much to bear. It was hilarious. Each character held their own and I can see why the tom Cruise character was singled out. I didn't expect any of that shit from Tom Cruiazy, truly, truly funny and engaging and just the right balance of 'What the fuck?' and 'Oh My God at what he said'. Robert Downey Jr. was MONEY in this role, I definitely agree with the Oscar nomination I mean come on 'playing a dude disguised as another dude' was priceless. the characters are what make this movie the plot left alot to be desired but it was played so well that it worked. 8.5/10

Star Trek - AMAZING! Cinematography gives this movie the edge, it's beautifully made. The acting was just right. Not over the top, no mimicry the actors shine through as themselves and as the already established characters in these roles, making them their own. It was funny, terrifying, alluring, enchanting, mesmerizing...the adjectives could go on. No real standout performer but a very cohesive cast. If there's anything bad about it is that I didn't really enjoy the villain as much as I should have, I mean Eric Bana can only play the role they give him so I cant really fault his acting, he was good I just didn't like the character very much. Greatly anticipating a sequel (crosses fingers, knocks on wood) Hope it's as good as the first. 9/10

Hot Fuzz - One of the biggest surprises of my life. It was such a funny movie with engaging characters and an interesting plot. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost make a really good comedic team. I never expected it to be funny but it was very much so. 7/10

Run Fat Boy Run - Another movie starring the British Simon Pegg who is hilarious. The movie was not so hilarious. It had a few jokes here an there, you would get a chuckle but nothing more. Hank Azaria provides some comic relief but not much and the film leaves you wanting something more. 4/10

Now it's time for Queerty Knows Best...Hope you enjoy.

Brian

Nathan

Ollie

Sean

Tegan

As usual and always all glorious human flesh provided by Queerty and their Morning Goods section, I love that section. Click on the guys hot bodies in order to view even more glorious pictures of these magnificent species. I need to get laid. The End.

Title Pic for today -

Photo credits - http://buzz.blogger.com/2005_05_01_archive.html

Posts from the BB

Wrote this a few months ago, can't say where I was or what the hell was going on to make me spaz but this is the result.


The my Jamaica is dead,
Truly with the rising death toll and the over growing monster of our gun culture,
The my Jamaica is dead.
Fuck the white sand beaches
23 never had a chance to live it,
Drench my self in lubricant at Hedonism and find a rich white man interested in Caribbean flesh cuz that's what I am to him and to you.
You see me but you don't give a shit about the my Jamaica
What happens in the banks is high level Enron shit but everybody's fucking corrupt so what we see is the working class 10% feeding the politicians and the gun man their meals.
The my Jamaica is dead
The culture gets diluted by baseball caps two sizes too big with NYC embroidered on the front misses the total care that granny used to take to make her elaborate straw hat she wore to church when yu born and christen.
Sent overseas we are idolized for being hardworking and having a violent I don't give a fuck attitude,
But fi real I don't give a fuck
What can u do to me foreigner that my bredren hasn't beat u to?
The my Jamaica is dead.
The hospitality u see is the facade of a woman trying to ensure that her pickney dem can eat pon Sunday,
that rice and peas is never missing from a Sunday plate,
So yes she smiles and accommodates while u look on her as if she's not a fucking human being,
I just sell sah, the toilet roun di back
The shit house of course that she can't use and her babies still shitting in the grass on the walk home
The my Jamaica the culture and country I would lay down my life for continues to steal my breath,
I look at the old and the young both begging on the same side of the street and pray that tomorrow is not the day I have to join them.
The my Jamaica of donkey rides and trains and coronation market where I used to get a $20 white dolly wid yellow hair and wonder if a soh white peeple really look?
Wondering what kind of rundown and mackerel me modda ago cook tonight fi mek sure seh her big daughter have hearty food,
expressions of love shown through how we share how hard we work how unbelievably loud we get.
The my Jamaica is dead
And I one of the children who have grown to realize it
because I have been on the crux born in time to get some the ninety year old wisdom,
but young enough to know that when its dead its blood claat dead and I have no clue who's to resurrect it.
Me? Rebuild the place I love and call home? How and with whom? My cohorts are full of NYC and MIAMI pride but shudder at the thought of Kingston at 12am.
The my Jamaica is dead.
Stomped out with Tims and fake Louboutins.
......

Of Kill Bill Vol. 2 and other disasters

Yes I realize it's been weeks. Whatever.

'Kill Bill Vol 2', definitely not good as the first but that of course is very relative. I'm a very big fan of action movies and kung fu movies are top bill for me so the first volume would, of course, hold more appeal for me . Though volume 2 could have been much better. I was a little bored not because it wasn't action filled but it lagged in the plot and scenes and felt like one long drawn out epilogue. Not very entertaining and very predictable.

Other disasters must include 'Watchmen' truly, TRULY my most hated adaptation. Snyder did horrendously. Sorry but he did. It was pretty to look at but was dense and kind of a wreck. Below is what i wrote the night of and day after I saw it. As you will read I was a little upset....My friend Eanehj is still upset with me for dragging her to see it.

Big on the platitudes, we get it human life is as miraculous in it's development
as in it's inevitable destruction. What more can you offer me though? Certainly the choice between good and evil is not as black and white as it has been painted for years the areas or gray so few and far between that everyday merely becomes one man's pewter another man's slate. What more can you offer in this movie? Where is the punch, you tried of course with Dr Manhattan but his performance was flat and monotonous not as compelling as you wished when u advised Crudup to lose the inflection in his voice, maybe with a better actor? who knows. The most compelling of course was Rorschach aren't we all fascinated by the morose? A man, no a psychopath, who's a mere fucked up child trying to get love from his mama. We love it because it is tragic which is where our base natures call us to. Makes our issues minimal, the eternal goal of mankind find and exploit another's weakness to ensure the survival of your kin whether psychologically or physical we are but animals, mere humans. Dreiberg's character could really have been explored made important, his point was? Rebound for Spectre, we do need some sex don't we? Spectre, her sole purpose was to be born from Spectre 1 and Comedian which of course brings Dr Monotony from his dull senses in order to 'save' the world. Thanks Monotony for living down to expectations, don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. The movie ruined it for me, ruined the genuineness of the graphic novel made it seem generic which it never has been, it was authentic and like its structure novel. The movie was made cinematically perfect.

Yeah I kinda went off...I was fucking upset though.

Title pic...

Posts from the BB

Surely you jest? watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2. Review of both movies in 10 mins.

Kill Bill Vol 1 - as it was intended an excellent homage to the kung fu and karate movies (which I love) of the 60's and 70's. The tight shots on the actors, the amazing expressions, great choreography and excellent cinematography and editing. Love the use of several different types of cinema viewabilities to portray the story, black and white, anime, shadowing... A few others made it interesting and dynamic. The transition from type to type wasn't jarring and felt cohesive. Maybe too much of a homage, a lot of action sequences and I completely understand wanting to portray both volumes as 1 movie but it felt disjointed and made me not very interested in the story so much. Essentially what is this movie about or at least what is this portion about? It doesn't come through, nothing comes through except that we really want her to kill motherfucking Bill, even though we have no idea who the fuck Bill is. With that said I liked it, I think Tarantino's my kind of film maker. It was memorable that's what we want from a movie.

Kill Bill Vol 2 - Review Coming Soon

Posts from the BB

Anyone who has ever sacrificed anything for someone else knows that in their heeart of hearts they resent that person just a little bit. You may not regret the decision but there's definately some resentment there that eats at you.

There's nothing worst than a dream deferred but what I do is to think of those dreams as attainable goals. There is absolutely nothing stoppin me from doing what I want to but to expect to do it all by the time you are 25 is unrealistic and ridiculous. Live your life. This can span over 70 years and sure nothings promised but what kind of life can you have if you continue to measure your acheivements by otherrs standards? Never give up on yourself, love the you that is here and now and work your hardest to see the you that you want tomorrow. I love my my life but that doesn't mean I'm unrealistic about it. I resent that I won't be able to do all the things I want right away but I've adapted made new goals that are even more spectacular and more amazing than I could ever imagine.

The me that I am right now is as perfect as she can be and I love her for that.

Posts from the BB

I do not want to talk about him right now, death is still too fresh in the air and some things are just not to be talked about.

I don't think my friends really know how hard it is for me. I know everyone's got their problems and I guess its extremely self righteous of me to assume that they or anyone should be thinking or caring about what I feel, but that's the problem. I don't think people should care about me and when they don't show interest I'm hurt. Its not their fault but I don't know how to relate to them that it hurts me that there's no one that I have a strong connecting bond with. We share so many things in common hence why we're friends but I've come to realize its just not enough. I think its as much as anyone can ask for and no more. I feel like its the pinnacle of this friendship.

We're still the same nothing much changing and I'm ready for that change. I put myself out there why can't the same be done for me? Why am I the only one who gives a fuck? Am I the only one who realizes that something is wrong? Is everyone else happy? It took the death of a loved one for me to realize that I'm unhappy in the one part of my life that I thought I was happy. Tragedy and grief will ensure that you face the truth. The truth it seems is what I've never wanted.

Posts from the BB

I had a dream in which I was tied down to a bed and there was some guy in the room just going about his business. Throughout the dream I'm terrified but I know this guy's not going to do anything to me. After awhile I realize that the room was my bedroom and the guy was my spouse and me being tied down meant I was married. I was scared I didn't want to be with this guy for the rest of my life, though I guess I loved him. I don't want to get married and I was terrified to think that everyday we'd be in the same bedroom tied to each other. Relationships are scary places and if you aren't ready for them they can choke the life out of you.

In truth I've never wanted to get married, a commitment yes but never marriage its so final, so permanent.

My friend, Eanehj, and I were having a conversation about what we were looking for in our relationships now. Sure we want to have fun but after that what then? We'll spend all of our 20s having fun and when we hit 30 we realize that we're getting older but our relationships have all stayed the same. Either we've been with the same no good guy for years or we have a string of crappy relationships where we barely remember anyone's name. I'm not looking for life commitment now but I'm looking for something more substantial than a quick fuck and subsequent booty calls.

Posts from the BB

I woke up at about 11:30. After falling asleep around 8. I haven't been to sleep since and it's now 3:30am. I watched MXC which was hilarious, voice over Japanese shows are what make life bearable. Also watched a movie called 'Johns' with David Arquette and Lukas Haas, Arquette's performance was good. The movie was, for lack of a better word, ok. The good - the nature of the film about these 2 male prostitutes and their lives and 'johns' was interesting but the supporting characters of the film were more convincing than the 2 leads in my opinion. A good actor performs in a role, a passable actor pretends to be the role, a great actor becomes the role. Arquette played the same character he's been known for in all his movies, quirky a little crazy likable. Haas was meh. The movie got good reviews and I may see that in 1996 but 2009...hmmm.

Watching Law and Order:Criminal Intent (Goren and Eames baby!) something about a deaf murderer. I'm excited about Jeff Goldblum joining the show, hope its good.

I would never want to lose my hearing, my sight is crazy already but not to hear would be devastating to me. If I were born so that would be different but to become so after being able to hear all my life...Side note as my glasses broke the other day I went in to get a new pair at a cost of $11800 (about US$140) I feel so broke.

Remind me never to break any laws.

My fave two Canadian shows were going on this morn, Steven and Chris a design talk show with a gay couple Steven Sabados and Chris Hyndman and The Hour with hottie George Strombolopolous (yes I love him I even know how to spell that monster of a last name) he's funny and just my kinda cute. *sigh*

Posts from the BB

In High school I would call my friends on a daily and just talk for hours. I think that's a contributing factor that explains why we're so close now. We talked about nothing and everything, all that is important to a teenage girl. We talked about boyfriends or lack there of, sex, people at school who were awful and so on. Some of the best times of my life were spent on the phone. I fell asleep on the phone many times wit my friends, met boyfriends on the phone (I know, don't remind me). My life was centered around it and that life was good.

Our pranks are still hilarious today and still notorious amongst us. At the time we didn't all have computers or internet (dial up = BOOOOO!) And so our main means of communication was through the phone. To this day was still yack it up on the phone any chance we get that's what we grew up on, what we are most comfortable using. So spending sometime talking to my friend talking about nothing really brings me back to the days we would have a 6 person conference and everybody talking at once.

'Ok so u call me then hang up and ill call u, then u call A and let A call B I will conference C...Go!'

Wow am I old. Lol. I kinda miss it but we had to grow up sometime right? Restricted phone access was fine by me because as you get older there will come a time when you need your own space. When you've fleshed out who you are behind that mouthpiece is when you end the call and hang up the phone.

Not more than myself just all of me

Thanks so much for the feedback guys...Axela and Irrek *LOVE* *LOVE*

Writing in this blog is such a process though. Sometimes things come to me and sometimes they don't. I try to write when something hits me and when it's at the fore front of my mind so that I can immerse myself and just continue writing without stop or fail.I never censor the things I say...Ok sometimes I do but very few times and only because I don't want to hurt anyone. So mostly all you see is me. Me being random, me being quirky and weird and unhappy and ecstatic. Not more than myself just all of me.

LOLz!

Funny story. At my first Christmas party at my workplace I went with my friend Akimat. Fun right? I was new so I knew only a few people from work so I spent most of the time with my friend just walking around laughing and getting drunk. Good Times. Sometime during the night though a young man from work, i think he was walking with his girlfriend, I don't know my glasses were foggy, came up to me said 'Hi', so I say 'Hi' back but not knowing him real well my friend and I kinda slink off to the food because damn were we hungry. I asked my friend if it was rude for us to just walk away like that without saying anything because he did look poised to say something just before we left she laughed and said she didn't care and to bring on the mojitos. Again..Good Times!!

Whats funny about this is he obviously took it as a snub because in the days following the party when I saw him at work I said 'Good Morning/Afternoon/Shower' and this nigga turned his back and said shit aka nothing. At the time I LOLd like a mofo and told Akimat who did the same. It's been almost a year and a half and everytime I see him I extend greetings (not because I want this nut bucket to like me but because you never know who's packing an uzi and just may spare your life because of a good morning) and this nigga still snubs. To this day it gives me the Lolz...Oh Snubbed you make my damn day. I sat beside him today thats why I remember.

Title pic...LOLz!!

I know I've been delinquent on this blog I love so but something's messed up on the BBerry that's not allowing me to post what and when i need to. I have written a couple things that i think I'm going to post.

So when she mentioned that her husband would die for her and how cute he was I started thinking DAMN when can I get me some of that? Everyday I think about
what my experiences would be like if there were someone with whom I could share some semblance of a realness with. I'm so closed off I'm trying hard not to
panic daily. I'm very optimistic about my life and the things I want to do with
it. I keep saying it'll happen and I truly believe it. Maybe that's all I
need,that belief. I believe.

A lady said something to me at work and that's how what she said developed in my mind. I had to write it down.

I knew at the time that what he wanted wasn't to talk to me about school, being
as young as I was it should have been, but it wouldn't have been about that and
I wasn't fucking stupid and at the time maybe that's what I wanted most. I just
wanted him to see me and not cringe possibly make me feel as if I were wanted at least that one time but I chickened out because I knew I was too young, too
everything wasn't ready and I know I wasn't because it was so easy for me to
leave I just made one of my all time favorite impulsive decisions. I wondered if
he even cared that I'd left I didn't get a call until I'd reached home. I laugh
now thinking about him running around searching for my big ass.

I wrote the above remembering when I was 14 years old and going to meet my 'boyfriend' who at that time was 20 years old. Oh the young and stupid.

Eric Jerome Dickey always makes you think, even when you search for the easy way out what you get is a way out. No map, no GPS. Just a way out and its a choice you have whether you want to take that out or just see it as a lost caused. On a few occasions I've taken the way he's shown. I've not always liked the
destination but the journey has always been worth it. This book gave me a hard
hit to the arm, it jarred me but I was still standing, other books have left me
flat on my ass wishing I'd never laid eyes on it. I'm happy I read it because I
can now cross it from my list. I liked Billie but my fave was Destiny because
she was so tragic and typical human in me I steer towards the tragic. The plots
were too tidy, the entwining of the characters hurt the plot for me and again
the most developed of the characters was the 15 year old. More dynamic than the others, Billie was too nice, I mean WTF is keeping you with this dog ass nigga? It can't be love that's bullshit. I don't get passion, don't get any part of it
and so I can't understand women like Billie or Livvy or any of the characters in
Between Lovers I'm always thinking that the shit can be solved in a logical
fashion but everybody's just thinking 'fuck logic'. I can't process it. I need
some heartache. For educational purposes of course.

I wrote the above after reading 'Chasing Destiny' by Eric Jerome Dickey...need I say more?

I tried to take a breath,
the air wasn't clear,
breathless,
or so it seemed,
that's how you left me,
my
falsetto flattened,
my soprano stalled,
breathless,
my mind a blank I could only stare,
I wondered if we'd
fit,
you were so big,
anatomically,
personality,
grandeur,
beauty,
breathless,
dreaming you saw the same qualities
of shared realities in me,
as breathless as I,
dreaming as I.

No idea who the above poem is for but I guess I was feeling someone.

A
Bear
Called
Down
Everest
Frowning
'Go'
He
Intimated
Jostling
Kicking,
Like
Moving
Needed
Oration.
'Please
Quiet'
Repeated.
So
Tame
Until
Verbally
Warned
Yet
Zealous

This poem was written in my "I'm crazy and idle" phase but it's one of my favorites

Again thanks so much for visiting, reading whatevering. I do have a treat for you ladies and some gents... !!Hot Guy of this Day!! Today's treat is Columbus Short, Hot Guy of September 19, 1982...

Columbus - The boy's name Columbus \c(o)-lu-mbus\. Variant of the Latin word meaning "dove". Made famous by Christopher Columbus, the Italian explorer who discovered America.