My father continues to fuck with my emotions. After literally years in between calls/visits he's calling me now "just to call"?! Like I'm emotionally no where near a place I can even begin to think about being anything but a stranger to you.
Some days I wish I could have a sit down with him and ask all those questions I've wanted to ask. I want to be able to cry and let him know how hard it's been being all by myself. Thinking I had no one but me and wondering if I'd be strong enough to survive by myself. I want to tell him these things and hope it damages him irreparably because that's how I've been damaged.
I don't know if we can have any type of relationship but then again I thought I'd stop wanting a father when I was a young kid and realized he was never going to be there but I guess I'm still just that kid.