Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I know I've been delinquent on this blog I love so but something's messed up on the BBerry that's not allowing me to post what and when i need to. I have written a couple things that i think I'm going to post.

So when she mentioned that her husband would die for her and how cute he was I started thinking DAMN when can I get me some of that? Everyday I think about
what my experiences would be like if there were someone with whom I could share some semblance of a realness with. I'm so closed off I'm trying hard not to
panic daily. I'm very optimistic about my life and the things I want to do with
it. I keep saying it'll happen and I truly believe it. Maybe that's all I
need,that belief. I believe.

A lady said something to me at work and that's how what she said developed in my mind. I had to write it down.

I knew at the time that what he wanted wasn't to talk to me about school, being
as young as I was it should have been, but it wouldn't have been about that and
I wasn't fucking stupid and at the time maybe that's what I wanted most. I just
wanted him to see me and not cringe possibly make me feel as if I were wanted at least that one time but I chickened out because I knew I was too young, too
everything wasn't ready and I know I wasn't because it was so easy for me to
leave I just made one of my all time favorite impulsive decisions. I wondered if
he even cared that I'd left I didn't get a call until I'd reached home. I laugh
now thinking about him running around searching for my big ass.

I wrote the above remembering when I was 14 years old and going to meet my 'boyfriend' who at that time was 20 years old. Oh the young and stupid.

Eric Jerome Dickey always makes you think, even when you search for the easy way out what you get is a way out. No map, no GPS. Just a way out and its a choice you have whether you want to take that out or just see it as a lost caused. On a few occasions I've taken the way he's shown. I've not always liked the
destination but the journey has always been worth it. This book gave me a hard
hit to the arm, it jarred me but I was still standing, other books have left me
flat on my ass wishing I'd never laid eyes on it. I'm happy I read it because I
can now cross it from my list. I liked Billie but my fave was Destiny because
she was so tragic and typical human in me I steer towards the tragic. The plots
were too tidy, the entwining of the characters hurt the plot for me and again
the most developed of the characters was the 15 year old. More dynamic than the others, Billie was too nice, I mean WTF is keeping you with this dog ass nigga? It can't be love that's bullshit. I don't get passion, don't get any part of it
and so I can't understand women like Billie or Livvy or any of the characters in
Between Lovers I'm always thinking that the shit can be solved in a logical
fashion but everybody's just thinking 'fuck logic'. I can't process it. I need
some heartache. For educational purposes of course.

I wrote the above after reading 'Chasing Destiny' by Eric Jerome Dickey...need I say more?

I tried to take a breath,
the air wasn't clear,
or so it seemed,
that's how you left me,
falsetto flattened,
my soprano stalled,
my mind a blank I could only stare,
I wondered if we'd
you were so big,
dreaming you saw the same qualities
of shared realities in me,
as breathless as I,
dreaming as I.

No idea who the above poem is for but I guess I was feeling someone.


This poem was written in my "I'm crazy and idle" phase but it's one of my favorites

Again thanks so much for visiting, reading whatevering. I do have a treat for you ladies and some gents... !!Hot Guy of this Day!! Today's treat is Columbus Short, Hot Guy of September 19, 1982...

Columbus - The boy's name Columbus \c(o)-lu-mbus\. Variant of the Latin word meaning "dove". Made famous by Christopher Columbus, the Italian explorer who discovered America.

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