Twix As Nice..

Well...I had a birthday the other day and though I didn't get any presents what i did get was alot of love and affection from the people that i love and the people who really matter and love me. I felt so loved and beautiful wish I had a camera to take all the smiles I was giving....Great day right? You just open yourself up to accept the love and the appreciation and when you get it you think you're going to overflow because you really didn't know that you impacted lives so positively. Well thats all ive got about my b'day. I was one of the few to watch the Grammy's last Sunday night....Hmmmm....Large pic post coming up as I give a full rundown for those who didn't watch. Yes I know everybody's done it but so? My shizz is better anyway and you get nice pictures... Nothing too cute and my wry brand of honesty....Here we go. So the first persons to perform were the big and bad POLICE

one of the greatest songs of all time "Roxanne" Sting looked younger than I've ever been. He looked so hot and they were as good as they've ever been. The next performers were the DIXIE CHICKS

performing "Not Ready to Make Nice" I just love them to death and Natalie sang with such conviction that just, i felt every word she was saying, the instruments were beutifully played. Next up was Ms. BEYONCE

performing "Listen" The tone of the song was gorgeous although she was a little bit off but whatever she looked great though even though I wasn't the biggest fan of her hair. Next up was JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

performing a new fave of mine "What Goes Around" I loved it, loved it, LOVED IT!! The arrangement of the song was outstanding actually excellent. The video thing was kinda weird but I love the song and his perfromance was impassioned and great. So next was a medley thing and first was CORRINE BAILEY RAE

with "Like A Star" I'm a new fan of this new artiste and I'l thank Eanehj for that I love this song, very emotional and soft and flute like and sweet. Next was JOHN LEGEND

with "Coming Home" I thought he had a pretty slow start took me a little bit, at least to the second verse before I got into it, however he had a smooth tone all through the performance and he finshed the song very nicely pulling me into the performance. Is it me or did he look a little chub? Hmmm... The next performer was JOHN MAYER

with "Gravity" He plays the blues like a fat black man from New Orleans in the 1960's. It's so smooth and rough and emotional you feel your soul vibrating. His guitar skills are off the chain and his lyrics transport you man. The next performance was a duet by SHAKIRA and WYCLEF JEAN

doing "Hips Don't Lie" Shakira's hips weren't lying too they were telling me "you'll never do this with your hips" It was a real performance and I love that about it. Next up was one of may fave performances for the night GNARLS BARKLEY

with "Crazy" He sounded just like he does on the record proving that hey that's the real thing right there. The addition of a real orchestra and a choir was amazing, his conviction singing the song made you feel it too, there was an underlying drumbeat that made me want to get up and salute and airline theme was INSANE!!!!!!!!!!! Next up was MARY J. BLIGE

with "Be Without You" the arrangement by the orchestra was beautiful, her voice was good and in true MJB style she had a nice dramatic finish. Next up was a little country segment (Grammy trying to play like they aren't just a mainstream music show) with CARRIE UNDERWOOD

singing "San Antonio Rose" as a tribute. She sounded great very true to the genre, she also sang "Desparado" which was less impressive but still good. The RASCAL FLATTS

performed next singing "Hotel California" and "Life in the Fast Lane" with Carrie Underwood. Both songs were heavily influenced by rock but with some country thrown in it was nice, the band was really good. A nice little medley came next with SMOKEY ROBINSON

performing "Tracks Of My Tears" Smokey's still got a little supm supm there... Next up was LIONEL RICHIE

doing "Hello" which is a classic romance tune. Next was CHRIS BROWN

'singing' "Run It" First and foremost I love steppers so that was a good start but then the rest of it was weird, not a performance just a show and he didnt even sing...Boo... Next up was CHRISTINA AGUILERA
performing a tribute to the late James Brown singing "It's A Man's World" Her vocal power is amazing, I was blown away. They had the memorial thing and the hottest thing was newcomer Chris Brown doing an imitation of the God father James Brown . He should have done that in his performance it was fun. Next up was LUDACRIS, MARY J. BLIGE and EARTH WIND AND FIRE

performing together their song "Runaway Love" This song has so much message and purpose that I just felt everyword that was rapped and sung. The song is timeless and the performance was very passionate and full of conviction another one of my favorite of the night. Next up to perform were JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and the ROBIN TROUP joined by T.I.

doing "Ain't No Sunshine" and "My Love". Robin is a new artist who was voted to perform out of a possible three girls. She wasn't bad...Personally I wnated Afrika Miranda to win but then again I didn't vote so hey...The songs were good I enjoyed the performances and didnt really feel the lack... As a side note the Dixie Chicks ROCK!!!!!I love them I still can't believe they won in every category they were nominated, they ROCK... The final performers for the night were the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

performing "Dani California" They were perfect, the song is extremely catchy and chili peppers cool and so classic. They too ROCK!!!! The final presenters for the night were AL GORE(????????????????????) and SCARLET JOHANSSON (who was said to be recording an album...Yeah thats exactly what I said too)

Any one notice the theme I have going here? Yeah well I'll have some more foolishness and craziness later.

Whoopsie Daisy!

I'm supposed to be doing alot of things today but none have really been important enough for me to get out of my seat in front of this computer. What's the gym when you have the never ending quiz at FLIXSTER to satisfy you. I know we are supposed to be proactive and go getters all that 'make hay...' mentality but I really am not in the right frame of mind to do that. Can I say to Elliven my deepest apologies for the way I've acted and treated you maybe six months down the line I'll call you back or maybe i'll answer your call next time. I think my life is just one big "Catch Me If You Can". I've yet to be caught...in anything (you figure it out). Today is a beautiful day to play...

WHE YU MEAN?!

• Now the 'war' between Bounty killer and Beenieman has spilled over onto other members of the "Alliance". Member new singer Mavado and former member Vybz Kartel have engeaged in a very dangerous feud. This feud has already resulted in shots being fired on both parties. Of course all wars have certain basic elements and the most important (I think) is the diss song. Now Mavado's song called 'New Name Fi Informer" refers to Vybz kartel as an informer (snitch...HAHAHAHAHAHA!), also as someone who bleaches, is a woman (Patricia Palmer...HAHAHAHAHAHA), a receiver of fellatio (from a fellatio master girlfriend) and homosexual (as he associates with other homosexuals...'show me your friends...etc'... Fishini...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) Vybz Kartel's song, called 'Mafraudo', is merely an answer to mavado's song. Personally who do I think wins.... D'Angel. Again I will ask are these big men tewlve years old? Why is the enetertainment playground not big enough anymore? What is really going on...Whe yu mean?


• Wait...Camera phones are of the devil. Elephant man found this out the hard, hard way. Rumor has it that a picture of the pachyderm homosapien in an extremely compromisisng position with a young woman has surfaced onto individuals cell phones. Persons have claimed that the picture, though not fully confirmed as the pachyderm includes a mouth, a bottom, a hand and some private parts all in the mix....Thank you I know the picture in the head isnt the most pleasant. Again I shall ask whe yu mean?


• Place to be this and every Thursday, Bembe Thursdays at Weekenz. Don't take my word for it.


• Song of the moment "Chat to Mi Back" by Lady (Mumma) Saw.

I guess I can finish this post off with a little sup'm sup'm for those panting. Here is my latest in the HOT GUY THROUGH THE CENTURIES.

Meet Ryan everybody! Hot guy for the year 2000. !!!!sizzle!!!!

Oh Yeah!!!!!!!!!!

I realize that I haven't been too up to date with all the news thats been happeneing and I definately haven't been up to date on my posts but I'll get there. I have to say that I enjoyeds my vacation. It was great the parties were great but that's for another post. Today will be a lovely feature of good looking men. I know from time to time I post just hoards of pictures of men and this is no different. I hope evryone enjoys and of course leave a comment. As usual the pictures were provided by Queerty and thier morning goods.

Marcus just jumped out at me...I wish he'd just jump ON me though...

Gerard just seems like he'll tear your clothes off...with his teeth.

Matt is a certified Hottie... I'm sure his degree is posted right on his wall

This is Aaron... He's a concession for my homey Akimat who just adores those asian men.

This is Simon...lovely Simon... *sigh* He looks like he's looking right at you doesn't he?

Paly That Same Ole Song

This post is strictly about songs I'm feeling right now.

COLDPLAY

"Trouble"

Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

"Yellow"

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.

Cos you were all "Yellow,"
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know for you,
I'd bleed myself dry for you,
I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

"Clocks"

The lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead singing

Come out of things unsaid
Shoot an apple off my head and a
Trouble that cant be named
A tiger's waiting to be tamed singing

You are
You are

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know singing

Come out upon my seas,
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease, singing

You are, you are, you are
You are, you are, you are

And nothing else compares
And nothing else compares
And nothing else compares

You are
You are

Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go

"Scientist"

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I’m sorry,
You don’t know how lovely you are I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Aww let’s go back to the start

Runnin’ in circles,
Chasin’ our tails,
Heads on the science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww take me back to the start

I was just guessin’,
At numbers and figures,
Pullin’ the puzzles apart
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me,
Come back to haunt me,
Oh when I rush to the start
Runnin’ in circles,
Chasin’ our tails,
Comin’ back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Aww It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m goin’ back to the start
Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo

DIDO

"Here With Me"

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

[Chorus:]
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

[Chorus]

JILL SCOTT

"Cross My Mind"

I was just thinking about you
Wondering if you wear the same cologne
Smelled good
On you
Had the next boyfriend of mine try the same kind
But it stunk on him though.
You know what they say everything ain't for everybody.
But I tried anyway.
You sure did smell good.

[Chorus:]
You just running gross my mind
[x3]

You had that masculine thing DOWN
Shoulders, back straight never sloping never round
It would turn me on just to see you walk into a room, across the room, out of the room.
You really impressed me.
Eh yeah

[Chorus:]
You just running cross my mind
[x3]

I know if I pick up this phone, write this letter send this two way.
I know I'm gonna say some things, I know you gonna say some things
That we both don't mean to say
Like...how amazing...how amazing...
When you would spread my limbs cross continents
And bababed way over mountains.
Kiss this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and that.
Show each other where the climax is at.

You just running cross my mind
[x3]
I was just thinking about you, wondering what you doing I mean what you've been up to
I know its wrong feeling this strong let me take a second minute I will think this thing through

I was just thinking about you, wondering what you doing I mean what you've been up to
I know its wrong feeling this strong let me take a second minute I will think this thing through

Remember all the moments for two, how we used to
Oooh yeah
But the reality honestly...you where never good for me and I was never good for you.
I just remember what we used to do....

EnVOGUE

"Dont Let Go"

Oooh, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Hey, yeah, hey, yeah

1-What's it gonna be?
'Cause I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends?
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

I often tell myself
That we could be more than just friends
I know you think that if we move too soon
It would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied
Till we've taken those vows
There'll be some lovemaking
Heart breaking, soul shaking
Love ooh aah
Lovemaking, heart breaking
Soul shaking
(repeat 1)

I often fantasize the stars above, oh, a chill
They know my heart and speak to yours
Like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend I was you, and lose control
(rpt 2, 1)

Running in and out my life
Has got me so confused
You gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta chose
We can make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right

What's it going to be?
Can't keep running in and out of my life
Out of my life
More than friends, oh, oh, oh
Hold me tight and don't let me go
You've got the right
I said you've got the right to lose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Don't break up 'cause I can't take it
(rpt 1)

YEAH YEAH YEAHS
"Maps"

Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

Made off
Don't stray
My kind's your kind
I'll stay the same

Pack up
Don't stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...
Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

JOHN LEGEND

"Let's Get Lifted Again"

Ooh ooh-ooh...oh
Come and go with me
There's so much new to see
Get high with me
Come fly with me

Ooh I want you so
I'm about to lose control
Get high with me
Come fly with me...ooh...

Ooh...ooh-ooh...
ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
ooh-ooh ooh-ooh

So much...
So much I wanna show you
Hey...so much...ooh
So much I wanna show you
Ooh...
Get high with me
Come fly me

INCUBUS
"Wish You Were Here"

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here

I lay my head on to the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFOs
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air

FUEL
"Bad Day"

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again.
She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace.
Smeared the lipstick on her face.
Slammed the door and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."

And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on

And had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."

"Hemorrhage (In My Hands)"

Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,

[Chorus:]
Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding

Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries

[Chorus]

And I watched as you turned away
You don't remember, but I do
You never even tried

Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again, oh

The Club is Officially Out of Liquor.

I'm bored out of my ever loving skull. There is nothing going on and definately no one to rub a dub with. I feel so left out of the loop sometimes. I don't have a boyfriend and though I usually don't let this plague me it killed me this season to not have one to share things with. Just to fucking share intimacies with. I felt so alone and unwanted it really weighed on my mind. It was just, not negative necessarily put not positive either. I have no one I can call up and say "Hey how was your day?" I feel like I'm swimming in this big pond and everyone else is floating on some device and no one notices that I'm drowning. I'm drowning and no one notices that I can't swim. I' really tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of letting this get the better of me. I'm perfectly alone, alone and wanting more. I refuse to accept that this is it and due to some unfortunate, but character building, aesthetic flaws I'll be feeling like less of a person for the rest of my life. I'm not worthless you know and I have so much of myself to offer to another person but I can't even get a chance to show this. I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself worthy because I already am worthy. I'm feel as if I'm worthy of so much and being denied because of some big universally joke. Often I feel like the pig amongst a flock of swans. I'm so awkward and afraid to just accept myself. I haven't felt any real emotions in a couple years. It hurts just a little too much to feel. I am an emotional wreck and I don't know what to do about it. People refuse to see me. They look right through me and when I see them do that I suck it up and pretend that it doesn't bug me. they see right through me like I'm not even standing there, like I'm no one. Sometimes I just want to shout in there faces to look at me, because I am right here I am a person.

I am not invisible,
invincible,
I am believable,
as a friend and
lover and sister,
mother, teacher, school mate.
I am relieved to find
the fate of man kind
still depends on my fertility,
for then
maybe,
I can get to be translucent,
maybe
having a purpose,
maybe
serving human kind
can qualify me as
kin.
I am not invisible,
and
maybe
I can convince me
to believe
that I am whole
made up of pieces
that are complex,
diverse
and as fortunate to know each other
as man kind is
to know it's universe.
I am not invisible
and neither are you,
I can see you
walking through me
diffusing my being
making it harder for me
to find me.
Distorting my image
into what you think you see,
catching a glimpse
of a girl who looks
like that girl,
oh you know that girl...
can't remember her name
but thats who i thought I saw.
I am striving to see myself
when I look in the mirror
often I find the image opaque
and fading.
Who are you? I want to scream
because she is not me
I am not invisible.
How can I be invisible when we are all apart of each other?
Do you see yourself?

Are you invisible?

I feel so out of place. Like this is not me and I am waiting for my life to begin. I'm waiting to start over. I don't want to be stuck like this.