So since yesterday coming off my Harry Potter high few things have happened...

1. Weighed myself realized I gained a few lbs back...But I don't trust that scale so I guess this is not too much of a problem.
   
2. Just received information that they've been overpaying me the last few months and that I'm going to get a pay cut...Yeah! Total fuckery. Which now means I'll have to work more hours and overtime to keep myself solvent. PERFECT!

Well... Since I'm on hiatus from everything but my job I guess no. 2 is doable, but I don't have to like it. I was feeling really energized this morning coming to work and was thinking that I would increase my hours on my own anyway so this is just a reinforcer, so fine things aren't as bad as they seem but I just feel awful.

I'll be getting my learner's permit today and doing my first official driving lesson. I'm 23 but there's never been a real need for me to learn except to have a national ID i can use but I'm also hoping and saving for a car so...here I go. It's great and shitty growing up. There's just no other way else to describe it. It's great and shitty all at the same time.

I've decided that nothing soothes an aggravated mind like some half naked man flesh so I'll be racing the page with one of my all time faves....Queerty Knows Best.

Pablo

Ramel

Patrick

Peter

Feel free to enjoy more of these hunky men by clicking on their pictures and even more gloriously fabulous bodies on Queerty and their Morning Goods section.

I'm out for the day, happy that I'm leaving work early even happier I have a day off tomorrow.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

After waiting more than a week for it to premiere in Jamaica I finally went to see it...Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. The book was one of my faves in the series and I ended up loving the movie. Below is a review I did at intermissin and after the movie ended.

Brilliant to look at, the acting is refreshing, acting like teenagers(irrational, clumsy, emotional) but also the hint of danger and mystery is palpable, what happens next is on your mind, this book explored more than Harry and the movie took that cue and that makes it amazing. Draco, What?! What?! Compelling, dare I say riveting? Played beautifully by Felton. Surprise performance of the movie. Follows the book nicely I mean what more can you ask for?

Leave your expectations, this is not an action film, this is pure suspense and anguish rolled into one big ball of tears. I cried when 'Severus, Please...' Jumped from the pages and into my mind. I think the first of the six that displays how compelling the story is, setting the stage for how absolutely flawed the characters are. This is no mere children's story, its THE fairytale that children remember and adults continue to hold reverent.

I can certainly see why it can be called dry humping all that work and no nut busted and if ur seeing the movie without reading the book u'll be a little lost and may not appreciate the story 'I mean its Harry fucking Potter right? Where's the magic...'But its there weaved seamlessly into this amazing tale of loss and grief and courage, strength of convictions and wills.

My only bone of contention is always for every movie the scenes they so obviously delete (horribly edited) I don't buy the DVDs at least not yet and I really want to see all those scenes when I'm in the theater. Its going to be torture waiting for 7A and 7B. I think I will expire before they roll around. It will simply be awesomesauce (c) ONTD

Title Pic -

P.S. Below is what I wore to the movie...I've been waiting forever to have an excuse to wear them...I'll be wearing them at all the other movies.

Posts from the BB

If I didn't write I don't know who I'd be I would be lost without it, without this blog. I've found, over the past few days that I am as I always have been. The same shy and alone person I was eleven years ago when I had no friends and spent my lunch in the library hoping no one would notice me. Who have I been the past eleven years you may ask? I realized a few months ago someone I don't know and worse yet don't like. I realized too that this was not just a reflection of me but also a reflection of those around me and I wondered if I was the only to have realized it. I guess its like that scene from body snatchers where the girl gets up and from the cocoon only to look around and see other persons were still cocooned. I just woke up.

The catalyst is unimportant but the results have been interesting. Previous post I spoke about opening the door on the new me and wondering what will be waiting...the door is currently ajar and right now the space is empty. It scares me and it was scary when I made that realization but I've survived years without support and I can move on to the better me without someone there but I can do it and I will.

P.S. Had a great time at the movies with Arteip and will review Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tomorrow.

P.P.S. I loved it.

Posts from the BB

The most unpredictable thing you can come across is not the weather, its people. What they'll do and say as individuals or as a group has so many variables its impossible to predict. What I've learnt though is there are some patterns and if you read them well you can attempt to create a map. But what I've found is that its much easier to just let the chips fall where they may.

I am angry but you'd be surprised at what it is that I am angry about. I'm angry about the state of our world. Truly. I'm angry at how we've become and who we've become. Our society deteriorates and we calmly sit by and watch it happen. Myself included. I'm angry at people who are ignorant in their views and who choose to stay that way. I want to help as many people as I can to realize their dream, and be happy. I just want to be happy too.

Post from the BB

One of the hardest things you can do in your life is challenge the roles you've built and what others have built for and about you. I am one of the most laid back people you'll meet but of course that's merely a facade, I'm observing and analysing everything I'm just not verbal about it.

I talk about my friends a lot because that's currently the only relationship I have right now outside of my family and I've formed an attachment to it that in the past has not been the most beneficial to me or my development. This is mostly due to my bottomfeeder self esteem and what I think about myself. I don't think I deserve much so this is what I project and what I get reflected back at me from other persons.

it's who I was and in some ways who I still am but I've moved myself so far from that person that the roles I was assigned way back when we became friends just don't fit who I am now. There's a clash and so in order to avoid conflict I decided to it cold turkey remove myself from that situation completely so that possibly they'll realize the changes and either take them or leave them.

Right now I think they're leaving them and about a year ago I would have been upset about it and just go back to being that person but it's not been half as hard as I thought it would. That's a little scary. If I don't have them who do I have and by extension who the hell am I? Its an eye opening and nerve racking experience and I fear losing them but I feel like I never even had a chance to find myself so there seems to be a price to pay for everything. I don't know if they'll understand, I'm not sure if I could fully explain it so we continue to be at a standstill on friend telling another that ikm prolly just being my regular depressed bitch self not realizing or caring how hurtful that shit is, and ill continue hoping that the best me develops from this I won't think about whoever is standing beyond that reveal whether everyone or no one.

Posts from the BB

Ok maybe I was a little hard on the Twilight series and certainly I'm not sayin the book doesn't have merit, I mean the fact that the twi-hards are truly that crazy is a very revealing testimony. All I'm saying is that it's not as good as the Harry Potter series and Ms. Meyer tried to get her heathen Anne Rice for juniors on but it was a failed attempt. I'm just anticipating the end of it all, the movies, the possibility of a new book,just finish so these overweight hockey moms can go back to ignoring their kids and losing their husbands to religion, the drink or the secretary Jolene...I'm just saying.

BE REAL!

Let's be clear I am all for books, I'm the biggest fan of books I know, truly and I applaud any book that motivates people to read. Let us also be clear that the Twilight franchise is no bigger nor better than any of the LJ Smith series. Nor by any means shape or form is it even close to being able to touch the Harry Potter franchise. The books are drivel. Complete and utter mediocrity...No wait not even close to mediocre. I've decided I'm going to try to complete reading the books but everytime I start I get a puzzled expression on my face and a feeling of nausea in my gut. It's really bad. Other than a stupid love story between a vampire, wolf and human what other themes can be found throughout the books? Please let me know, I'm very interested to find out.

Let's cut the bullshit the Harry Potter books are light years ahead of many 'children's books. I would seriously consider adding year 3 and 5 to any school curriculum. It doesn't deal with sparkling motherfuckers sailing through woods or knocked up bitches trying to decide between bestiality and necrophilia. It's more than a fight between good and evil and it shows more than wands, potions and spells. It's one of the most realistic and relatable books I've ever read. No I have not, as many people have, blurred the lines between reality and fantasy, the book is complete fiction but there is more heart and emotion and human connection in every single book than in anything Stephanie Meyer has ever written. Stop the madness people step back from your sad existence and for one second be real with yourselves.

Posts from the BB

Yes I'm back! Watched 'Miracle at St. Anna' about an hour ago. A Spike Lee joint. I liked the movie but it wasn't as great as I wished it to be. The story was very compelling and most movies made about WW II are interesting especially to my generation born so long after the war had ended. It lacked connectivity and fluidity. I didn't feel a connection with any of the characters really and though they tried the actors truly didn't do much for me. The script...ok I guess 1 big problem I havd just with overall production was my inability to see the subtitles clearly. I mean if I can't read what they're saying how can I become invested in the characters. The conclusion was predictable and improbable. (Though they claimed it was a true story im still side eyeing that)

It had such great potential, needed more and it just didn't deliver. Made beautifully though, cinematography was on point.

HYPERVENTILATING!

I have a job interview in about 2 hours. I am currently hyperventilating. I currently have no one to call to talk me down so I have tobe brave and do this on my own. I'm sure Ill do fine. I may or may not get the job all the other candidates are just as good as myself. It's a toss up. All comes down to who impresses in the interview. Truly all I wish and want to do is just be myself ensure that Im engaging and give smart concise answers. Im nervous as all hel though, trying to keep calm and not fuck it up by crying or some such nonsense. I just there was someone to tell it will be fine. Let me know it's ok being myself. I just have to sell them me and thats what intend to do. Getting calmer and calmer as I write this.

As Always, Thanks for listening.

Title pic -

Photo credits - http://www.clipartof.com/interior_wall_decor/details/Woman-Hyperventilating-And-Breathing-Into-A-Bag-Poster-Art-Print-5771

Posts from the BB

When I was younger my mother said that it was great that I was ugly and fat because she wouldn't have to worry about boys...Yep she said it right in front of me too. I think about it almost everyday. Sure there was a time after she said it I thought she just wants me to be strong and confident by myself. That's not what stayed with me though.

I'm 23 and I guess I proved her right, my life seems to be failure after faiure so far. The biggest failure of course being myself. I try to tell myself that its ok to be me, yes I'm not attractive and I never will be but if I try to love me then maybe others would do the same. Maybe my family would stop treating me like a pariah, maybe my friends would stop treating me like the maid's daughter. Who am I kidding? There's nothing I can do to change what they think so I'm just going to have to do the best with myself.

Feel Good...

I was very happy with the Saturday Premieres on HBO and Cinemax last night. I finally got to see an unbootleg version of 'The Dark Knight' and 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army'. My realtime review of the former is below -

Never saw the first movie so not corrupted, usually like to watch movies in sequence. Eric Roberts, Lukas Haas....hmmm? Harvey Dent? Yes, Morgan Freeman...hmmm did they know he (Heath Ledger) was gonna die or was the first one that good? Divine intervention. Why didn't the gun go off? Dent is def playing sides...that's what I think. 23 minutes. Bloody but not overly, 'Why so serious?' Scary as shit, funny as hell. He's(Dent) so working with them. I feel it coming. 40 minutes. Will the real Batman please stand up? So far, Dent steals the show, over Joker, Wayne, Alfred, Fox...Wayne is a narcissistic fuck. Kinda like him. Maggie Gyllenhaal is not beautiful by the far stretch of the imagination here, in this she creeps me out. Gorgeous in The Secretary, this, not so much. Is this shit really needed Bats? Come on now. I'm actually engaged and interested...or is that just because I know what's awaiting that I'm excited about? Not certain. 1hour 10minutes in wondering where the hell this is going, have over an hour left. This Rachel character can I get a boo...(Not because he's playing a psycho means its a great performance, certainly it's good but not great, waiting for him to impress me. 1hour 16minutes) nice twist, didn't see it coming, if I was watching it more carefully it wouldn't have passed me by, rolls eyes, rolls eyes again, predictable twist, is it right to wish a characters death? No I feel weird so I won't ill just say that it isn't much of a loss to the film, I'm bored. 1 hour 42 minutes. Anthony Michael Hall? Truly what is this? If he were to mime this whole thing and never say a word I would find it award worthy, his performance in Brokeback Mountain was phenomenal this...he's overshadowed by Eckhart. Completely, bored. 1hour 59minutes. I like the movie for the lovely old world detective feel, memories of Kojack and Bogart in films like Casablanca and Maltese Falcon, rooting for the not so good guys because in a really good films the good and bad guys aren't all one dimensional, good girls are nonexistent(even though they didn't really have a good female role here) and bad girls get the guy, it was choice and sacrifice and gritty. That's what I get. Eckhart is money in this film, where was Bale? I will say I completely forgot about Bale saw him for the character he played and that should be applauded (the character was a little laughable) Gary Oldman (Sirius!) pretty good as well, nice emoting, Maggie Gyllenhaal...meh. Movie better than it's principals though Eckhart stood out.

I loved 'Hellboy' but the sequel seemed to leave plot behind and just bumbled its way through to an ending. The characters are likable and sweet but I missed the novelty that was the first movie, liked the direction that they tried to take it into but it missed it's mark for me when it came to story line. Very Weak. Awaiting whatever other sequels are in the works.

They premiered 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' on the Starz channel and i will admit i will be watching later today. I mean i already watched the first 2 the third can't be any worse. The first 2 weren't bad just not my thing. Just trying to complete the sequence.

The reason things have been feeling good... I just don't know. Only a few days without twitter and it feels weird but I'm not obsessing about it. Only a few days without speaking to my friends (or at least one friend in particular)....the same sentiments would apply.

Title pic -

Photo credits: - http://media.photobucket.com/image/feel%20good/jv3ecknell/614-GorillazFeelGoodInc.jpg

Posts from the BB

I read somewhere recently the Kate Winslet said she felt less than a woman because she had her daughter by caesarian. I understand what she meant but it upset me that this woman who carried this other being around inside her felt less than womanly because she didn't push it through her vagina...I applaud women who deliver 'naturally' no drugs, no hospital, it's been done for years this way and to continue the tradition is admirable but to imply that having a baby any other way as unnatural sometimes comes off as pretentious to me. Depending on the person of course.

It's all about choices right? I choose to have an epidural because it's available and I feel safest that way, someone else may choose herbs and meditation to ease the pain, who says one is better than the other? Who decides that one is lesser than the other? I've never given birth but when/if I do I want to be able to make the choice and not have to fear being labeled as less than a woman for not being able to or choosing not to push the baby through my vagina. It's coming from my uterus there is nothing that screams woman more than that.

I want to also address the fact that having a baby is not the be-all and end-all of being a woman, some women choose not to have a baby, others aren't able to and again to be labeled less than a woman says so much about who we are as a species it's beyond hilarious. We value birthing because it's apart of our genetic makeup but one facet of a developing species is the freedoms awarded to its members, we need to stop shunning those who do not choose to have a similar lifestyle to our own.

Posts from the BB

So much bullshit in my life right now. Getting no R-E-S-P-E-C-T from man nor beast. My land lady is the biggest bitch alive, my workplace..., yep and my social life is about as hilarious as ever.

Keeping my head up, keeping myself alive, ensuring that I continue to survive and help my family survive. Tired of feeling like the person who keeps giving and getting nothing so I just stopped. A new issuing of myself and all I've to offer.

A little cryptic right? No more shunning. I'm gonna do my job and hope I get that position I applied for, hoping I can do well in the interview. Wish me luck please!

Brand New Day

Today's a brand new day a new to be revered a day to live love and laugh. Take it in, inhale breathe deeply and know that life is what you make it.

After that introspection let's get to it. I have no idea what's happening in Jamaican gossip so i just cannot do a Weh Yu Mean? post anytime soon. Once I get caught up we'll definitely have something to kick ass with. I can do a Movies I Saw Last Week and maybe a little Queerty Knows Best if time allows so hold your hats and horse ladies and gentlemen because here we go... Movies I Saw Last Week

Kung Fu Panda - Soooo good. Animated films have been kicking ass for the past few years and this is no exception. Kids and adults alike would enjoy it. Certainly it's predictable but what movie isn't? It's fun and funny. The secondary characters were a little weak though, more like background decoration than characters but it didn't detract from the film too much. I really enjoyed it. 8/10

Tropic Thunder - OMFG! This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a looong time. I am usually not a big fan of Ben Stiller movies but i was laughing out loud mostly the entire time. The one line zingers are just too much to bear. It was hilarious. Each character held their own and I can see why the tom Cruise character was singled out. I didn't expect any of that shit from Tom Cruiazy, truly, truly funny and engaging and just the right balance of 'What the fuck?' and 'Oh My God at what he said'. Robert Downey Jr. was MONEY in this role, I definitely agree with the Oscar nomination I mean come on 'playing a dude disguised as another dude' was priceless. the characters are what make this movie the plot left alot to be desired but it was played so well that it worked. 8.5/10

Star Trek - AMAZING! Cinematography gives this movie the edge, it's beautifully made. The acting was just right. Not over the top, no mimicry the actors shine through as themselves and as the already established characters in these roles, making them their own. It was funny, terrifying, alluring, enchanting, mesmerizing...the adjectives could go on. No real standout performer but a very cohesive cast. If there's anything bad about it is that I didn't really enjoy the villain as much as I should have, I mean Eric Bana can only play the role they give him so I cant really fault his acting, he was good I just didn't like the character very much. Greatly anticipating a sequel (crosses fingers, knocks on wood) Hope it's as good as the first. 9/10

Hot Fuzz - One of the biggest surprises of my life. It was such a funny movie with engaging characters and an interesting plot. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost make a really good comedic team. I never expected it to be funny but it was very much so. 7/10

Run Fat Boy Run - Another movie starring the British Simon Pegg who is hilarious. The movie was not so hilarious. It had a few jokes here an there, you would get a chuckle but nothing more. Hank Azaria provides some comic relief but not much and the film leaves you wanting something more. 4/10

Now it's time for Queerty Knows Best...Hope you enjoy.

Brian

Nathan

Ollie

Sean

Tegan

As usual and always all glorious human flesh provided by Queerty and their Morning Goods section, I love that section. Click on the guys hot bodies in order to view even more glorious pictures of these magnificent species. I need to get laid. The End.

Title Pic for today -

Photo credits - http://buzz.blogger.com/2005_05_01_archive.html

Posts from the BB

Wrote this a few months ago, can't say where I was or what the hell was going on to make me spaz but this is the result.


The my Jamaica is dead,
Truly with the rising death toll and the over growing monster of our gun culture,
The my Jamaica is dead.
Fuck the white sand beaches
23 never had a chance to live it,
Drench my self in lubricant at Hedonism and find a rich white man interested in Caribbean flesh cuz that's what I am to him and to you.
You see me but you don't give a shit about the my Jamaica
What happens in the banks is high level Enron shit but everybody's fucking corrupt so what we see is the working class 10% feeding the politicians and the gun man their meals.
The my Jamaica is dead
The culture gets diluted by baseball caps two sizes too big with NYC embroidered on the front misses the total care that granny used to take to make her elaborate straw hat she wore to church when yu born and christen.
Sent overseas we are idolized for being hardworking and having a violent I don't give a fuck attitude,
But fi real I don't give a fuck
What can u do to me foreigner that my bredren hasn't beat u to?
The my Jamaica is dead.
The hospitality u see is the facade of a woman trying to ensure that her pickney dem can eat pon Sunday,
that rice and peas is never missing from a Sunday plate,
So yes she smiles and accommodates while u look on her as if she's not a fucking human being,
I just sell sah, the toilet roun di back
The shit house of course that she can't use and her babies still shitting in the grass on the walk home
The my Jamaica the culture and country I would lay down my life for continues to steal my breath,
I look at the old and the young both begging on the same side of the street and pray that tomorrow is not the day I have to join them.
The my Jamaica of donkey rides and trains and coronation market where I used to get a $20 white dolly wid yellow hair and wonder if a soh white peeple really look?
Wondering what kind of rundown and mackerel me modda ago cook tonight fi mek sure seh her big daughter have hearty food,
expressions of love shown through how we share how hard we work how unbelievably loud we get.
The my Jamaica is dead
And I one of the children who have grown to realize it
because I have been on the crux born in time to get some the ninety year old wisdom,
but young enough to know that when its dead its blood claat dead and I have no clue who's to resurrect it.
Me? Rebuild the place I love and call home? How and with whom? My cohorts are full of NYC and MIAMI pride but shudder at the thought of Kingston at 12am.
The my Jamaica is dead.
Stomped out with Tims and fake Louboutins.
......

Of Kill Bill Vol. 2 and other disasters

Yes I realize it's been weeks. Whatever.

'Kill Bill Vol 2', definitely not good as the first but that of course is very relative. I'm a very big fan of action movies and kung fu movies are top bill for me so the first volume would, of course, hold more appeal for me . Though volume 2 could have been much better. I was a little bored not because it wasn't action filled but it lagged in the plot and scenes and felt like one long drawn out epilogue. Not very entertaining and very predictable.

Other disasters must include 'Watchmen' truly, TRULY my most hated adaptation. Snyder did horrendously. Sorry but he did. It was pretty to look at but was dense and kind of a wreck. Below is what i wrote the night of and day after I saw it. As you will read I was a little upset....My friend Eanehj is still upset with me for dragging her to see it.

Big on the platitudes, we get it human life is as miraculous in it's development
as in it's inevitable destruction. What more can you offer me though? Certainly the choice between good and evil is not as black and white as it has been painted for years the areas or gray so few and far between that everyday merely becomes one man's pewter another man's slate. What more can you offer in this movie? Where is the punch, you tried of course with Dr Manhattan but his performance was flat and monotonous not as compelling as you wished when u advised Crudup to lose the inflection in his voice, maybe with a better actor? who knows. The most compelling of course was Rorschach aren't we all fascinated by the morose? A man, no a psychopath, who's a mere fucked up child trying to get love from his mama. We love it because it is tragic which is where our base natures call us to. Makes our issues minimal, the eternal goal of mankind find and exploit another's weakness to ensure the survival of your kin whether psychologically or physical we are but animals, mere humans. Dreiberg's character could really have been explored made important, his point was? Rebound for Spectre, we do need some sex don't we? Spectre, her sole purpose was to be born from Spectre 1 and Comedian which of course brings Dr Monotony from his dull senses in order to 'save' the world. Thanks Monotony for living down to expectations, don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. The movie ruined it for me, ruined the genuineness of the graphic novel made it seem generic which it never has been, it was authentic and like its structure novel. The movie was made cinematically perfect.

Yeah I kinda went off...I was fucking upset though.

Title pic...

Posts from the BB

Surely you jest? watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2. Review of both movies in 10 mins.

Kill Bill Vol 1 - as it was intended an excellent homage to the kung fu and karate movies (which I love) of the 60's and 70's. The tight shots on the actors, the amazing expressions, great choreography and excellent cinematography and editing. Love the use of several different types of cinema viewabilities to portray the story, black and white, anime, shadowing... A few others made it interesting and dynamic. The transition from type to type wasn't jarring and felt cohesive. Maybe too much of a homage, a lot of action sequences and I completely understand wanting to portray both volumes as 1 movie but it felt disjointed and made me not very interested in the story so much. Essentially what is this movie about or at least what is this portion about? It doesn't come through, nothing comes through except that we really want her to kill motherfucking Bill, even though we have no idea who the fuck Bill is. With that said I liked it, I think Tarantino's my kind of film maker. It was memorable that's what we want from a movie.

Kill Bill Vol 2 - Review Coming Soon

Posts from the BB

Anyone who has ever sacrificed anything for someone else knows that in their heeart of hearts they resent that person just a little bit. You may not regret the decision but there's definately some resentment there that eats at you.

There's nothing worst than a dream deferred but what I do is to think of those dreams as attainable goals. There is absolutely nothing stoppin me from doing what I want to but to expect to do it all by the time you are 25 is unrealistic and ridiculous. Live your life. This can span over 70 years and sure nothings promised but what kind of life can you have if you continue to measure your acheivements by otherrs standards? Never give up on yourself, love the you that is here and now and work your hardest to see the you that you want tomorrow. I love my my life but that doesn't mean I'm unrealistic about it. I resent that I won't be able to do all the things I want right away but I've adapted made new goals that are even more spectacular and more amazing than I could ever imagine.

The me that I am right now is as perfect as she can be and I love her for that.

Posts from the BB

I do not want to talk about him right now, death is still too fresh in the air and some things are just not to be talked about.

I don't think my friends really know how hard it is for me. I know everyone's got their problems and I guess its extremely self righteous of me to assume that they or anyone should be thinking or caring about what I feel, but that's the problem. I don't think people should care about me and when they don't show interest I'm hurt. Its not their fault but I don't know how to relate to them that it hurts me that there's no one that I have a strong connecting bond with. We share so many things in common hence why we're friends but I've come to realize its just not enough. I think its as much as anyone can ask for and no more. I feel like its the pinnacle of this friendship.

We're still the same nothing much changing and I'm ready for that change. I put myself out there why can't the same be done for me? Why am I the only one who gives a fuck? Am I the only one who realizes that something is wrong? Is everyone else happy? It took the death of a loved one for me to realize that I'm unhappy in the one part of my life that I thought I was happy. Tragedy and grief will ensure that you face the truth. The truth it seems is what I've never wanted.

Posts from the BB

I had a dream in which I was tied down to a bed and there was some guy in the room just going about his business. Throughout the dream I'm terrified but I know this guy's not going to do anything to me. After awhile I realize that the room was my bedroom and the guy was my spouse and me being tied down meant I was married. I was scared I didn't want to be with this guy for the rest of my life, though I guess I loved him. I don't want to get married and I was terrified to think that everyday we'd be in the same bedroom tied to each other. Relationships are scary places and if you aren't ready for them they can choke the life out of you.

In truth I've never wanted to get married, a commitment yes but never marriage its so final, so permanent.

My friend, Eanehj, and I were having a conversation about what we were looking for in our relationships now. Sure we want to have fun but after that what then? We'll spend all of our 20s having fun and when we hit 30 we realize that we're getting older but our relationships have all stayed the same. Either we've been with the same no good guy for years or we have a string of crappy relationships where we barely remember anyone's name. I'm not looking for life commitment now but I'm looking for something more substantial than a quick fuck and subsequent booty calls.