Saturday, September 08, 2012

I can feel my calf muscle!!!!

Sweet workout Jesus! Is it the jump jacks Lord? Is it the yoga? Can you please take this fear I have to restart Insanity so that I can smooth out my love handles Lord? I have actual anxiety about seeing Shaun T on my tv. I need a patronus Lord.

I enjoy working out. I love the way ot makes me feel. I joined the gym as soon as I was able to when I got a job and I'd go at least 5 times a week. In college I worked out a schedule for myself that included an aerobics class 4 days out of the week. On both occasions I lost over 40 lbs over a 3 month period. I loved it. I loved how I felt and how my body felt in clothes and the reactions I got from people who were seeing me through that journey.

My problem is not exercise, my problem is consistency. I'm not at all consistent. It fucks with me sometimes that I can't follow through. I dislike that facet of my personality. It reminds me too much of my parents who, to put it nicely, weren't very consistent with me. I don't want to be their mistake who has their mistakes.

So I'm back on the healthy kick. Trying to be more consistent, organizing my thoughts and my life to include exercise so that it feels like a natural entity in my life. I'm working on it and I'm surprised how much it's helping me work on myself.

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