I allowed her to speak because I knew when it got to my turn she wouldn't interrupt. I wanted her to hear every word of what I had to say. But I had no idea what I wanted to say. I had no idea what I was feeling as I watched her crying and try to explain.
As she blubbered on I looked around her apartment and wondered why she opted to let me down easy here. In this space. Her grungy couch which I'd told her to upgrade for years just stared back at me as I tried to avoid making eye contact.
She knew me too well knew what to say to make waver and she was using every trick in the book. "You're more than my friend you're my sister." She knew how that would make my heart flutter, make me not want to lose her as friend-family because she was one of so few that I considered family.
I don't know which emotion to show first. I want to scream for her to shut her lying, betraying ass up but anger was never my due. Indifference is where I shine. She asks me if I have anything to say. I give her the look that let's her know what I have to say she won't want to hear. That shuts her up real quick.
I was staring out her front window when I realized I recognized the car that pulled into her drive way. I almost laughed at the sheer hilarity of the situation. She's begging for forgiveness and he's showing up to... What? Beg for forgiveness too? Or simply offer support? And to whom?
I hear her doorbell ring out and for the fiftieth time since the conversation's start I wonder how long they'd been a they and when did him and I stop truly being an us. She slowly gets up from her chair and ambles towards the door. We can't ignore that doorbell any longer I guess. I shrug my mind's too muddled to think or react appropriately so I'll go with the flow, at the very least this will be interesting.
Knowing that once I'm by myself... I shake my head and the first set of tears away. I can't think of that now. She opens the door and he's standing there, 6ft of nothing but lies and deception. This look on his face is telling me that 1. It's definitely over between us 2. He's a sorry lying ass motherfucker and 3. Please don't kill us.
I sigh and pick my bag up off her kitchen counter. I zipped it shut keeping the secret I'd come to share a secret for now. I pushed passed both of them as they hadn't moved from the door jamb. Waiting for my earthquake is my guess. I'm proud that I didn't give in and tear her apartment to pieces. I'm proud of myself for that.
I feel the sun on my face and the tears start falling. My brain can't stay shut down anymore. No sobs though. Not in front of them, I can't let them have that. "Are you happy?" Comes out of my mouth before I realize what I'm saying.
"Wh-What?" She stutters.
I turn my face up to the sun and close my eyes, I feel it's warmth all the way down to my toes.
I repeated "Are you happy?"
I turn and look at them both. I'd known and loved her longer but he, he was my love. Now they're looking at me as if I just sprouted a new head and a tail.
"I don't know. No. I don't want to lose you but I had to come clean." She answers moving a few inches closer to me.
He never says a word.
I nod once and move towards my car. I don't look back at them.