Posts from the New BB

There is nothing like discovering that you are in fact a grown up. Or at least your friends are grown ups and you're watching them change and become adults with responsibilities. Sure I have a job and I have my own responsibilities but I'm not maintaining a steady seemingly long-term relationship nor am I awaiting the birth of a child. All things my closest friends are currently undertaking.

It's an odd experience. I'm tryin to envision what life will look like in a year. Will there be a wedding? Will there be another baby? New jobs? New homes? I'll be the first to admit I don't share much of my life with my friends any more and vice versa. I don't know really what's happening in their lives right now. We've grown, not apart, but up. It's not the most important to share every detail of each moment of our lives. I kinda miss that closeness we once had.

Growing up forces you to come to the realization that your friends also have other friends. This used to be a scary concept for me because me and my abandonment issues used to think that them finding new friends meant that I'd be out of the picture. I've since learnt to accept this as just another part of the journey and I've found new friends too.

I still miss us though, I miss laughing out loud and sharing similar realities. Time changes everything. So at 25 I sit here waiting to welcome the newest member of our group. Baby Junes will be here soon enough and even more grown up things are to come. Wondering if I'm really ready...ready as I'll ever be I guess.

Posts from the New BB

I've never been thin. In fact I've always been the fattest and tallest almost in all of my classes from basic school all the way up to high school.

Notion that fat girls are uninhibited, desperate, pathetic and depressed has never been my reality. I have fat friends who are beautiful, confident and amazing. I can't say I've ever felt this, I've never felt beautiful and I'm not overly confident, but living in their reality allowed me to see that it does exist.

Eventually though I realized that wanting to be someone else was cheating me of a life so I accepted that I would never be beautiful and I've accepted that I am just who I am.

I have only recently discovered the size acceptance community and recently accepted that you can be healthy at any size. Whether society likes it or not as long as you're healthy and happy that's all that matters.

I once held the notion that if only I weighed 160 lbs then people would like me, if only I were pretty then my parents would never have abandoned me and I would have a boyfriend and I would be happy. It's been a few years since I've totally divested of that foolishness. I can't make people feel anything. I can't make someone love me and whether I'm 268 lbs or 90 lbs they're going to do and be whatever. I cannot control that and I should have never tried.

Take me or leave it doesn't matter to me. I take me forever and ever.

Posts from the New BB

So I'm planning a trip to San Francisco to see Adele in June I called my friend up to ask if she'd be interested in going. I knew she'd say no. I wouldn't have to ask about that. This once though I kinda wish she'd given it more than the one second it took her to say no.

I always say that. I never confront her about it though because I have to respect her space, her decisions and that her journey isn't mine. It's hard though, journeying alone. So I'm sitting here wondering if these tears are real emotion or just what I think I should be feeling. And It don't matter cuz she doesn't read my blog anyway.

Sometimes it hurts instead...

I can't get this song out of my mind. This is 'Someone like you' by Adele off her new album "21". Watch her perform it at the 2011 BRIT awards below or click here here.

It's a beautiful song beautifully done by the is amazing talent. I'm not in love or anything but I'm feeling this somewhere deep inside.

Read more for the lyrics and video.

Posts from the BB

I'm not looking for you to kiss my ass but I'm also not looking for you to be completely indifferent to the shit I do. I support you but i'm no sycophant and the fact that you only told me your opinion after I expressed something similar pisses me off.

I'm a creative person, there's a lot of things I want to do, places I'd want to go but I tried thinking of one friend who'd be willing to be in a crazy photo shoot for me on a beach or in an old house or in the bushes...ok fine it sounds crazy but I've got some really good ideas but there's no one who'd be willing to participate.

I'm planning a really big trip for April of 2012. A trip to Europe. I can't be deterred and I know I can't force anyone to go with me because I am well aware of how expensive it's going to be. My friends have basically backed out and I totally understand...at least I'm trying to understand. The selfish bitch in me is screaming that no one does the shit I want to do. The good bitch in me though is fine with it because it's not a part of their journey.

It's a big part of my journey though. I took a look at my bucket list and have realized that at 25 I haven't done any of those things. I'm scared to complete them by myself but my friends are journeying on a different path and it's time for me to man up and grow some balls as my homie Axela would say. I have to live and that means with or without them. It's so hard.

Posts from the new BB

Being sexy isn't necessarily an art one has to learn. If you've got a significant other they already think you're sexy. That's not to say you can't keep it lively in the bedroom, kitchen, laundry room, car...etc. If you don't have a SO you can still be sexy without even trying too hard.

My sexy is in my heels, the higher the better, and a pair of shorts or a little dress and I'm swaying to a really good song. I swish those hips and move to that beat. I get lost in that dance and it's been known to cause quite a stir...My sexy is me feeling sexy to myself and loving it. My crush's sexy was his smile. It didn't show up often but when it does, damn...it's panty dropping time.

I hate that the term 'sexy' has an image of some big tittied white girl with nought but a string in her ass. Sexy is about sensuality and a positive body image no matter what size or shape you are. Sexy is in the way you walk and talk and smell and listen and dream and believe. It's all those things and it's intimacy and happiness and love.
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

So what do I do?

I had a friend from work ask her friend if she thought she used men only for sex. I chuckled a bit because well I had been contemplating the same for a little while. Sure I already tried to have a friends with benefits arrangement that just exploded in my face when I realized I didn’t want to be having sex with someone who could call out someone else’s name during coitus without fear of repercussion. That isn’t me. It’s not the life I want for myself. I tried I really did and it was fun for a time, but once that orgasm faded all that’s left is someone you’re not attached to, someone who may or may not be thinking about checking Keisha and Dawn later and tomorrow.

I turn into an asshole when I’m in a relationship though. Like I become a simpering mess. At least that’s how I felt the last time I was in one. When I mentioned this to an ex he told me how far from the truth I really was.

“You guard your feelings like the best soldier I’ve ever seen. Hard to get close to, hard to know what you’re really thinking or feeling. Felt alone a lot of the time.”

Damn.

I don’t think I’m that way with my friends. I tend to smother them… In my head though I’m thinking “Don’t be a burden, don’t get too close, don’t make them see too many feelings because they’ll take advantage. Don’t get hurt.” Just the riches I carry with me from my feelings of abandonment from my parents. You know the normal shit. The shit I’m trying to be better than. Trying and failing it seems.

I thought we were going well up until those last 2 months or so and I had all intentions of using that relationship as a foundation to make the next one better. Now I don’t know. I can’t have a FWB kind of thing because it just doesn’t work for me. I can’t do real relationships either apparently because I have no feelings. Ok fine I have feelings but they’re the size of the Grinch’s heart before he met Cindy Lou.  So what do I do?

Post from the new BB

My homie is pregnant. She's gonna have a baby this year and honestly the first thought that ran through my mind was 'I'm not ready.' No need reminding me that I'm not the one pregnant. No need to remind me that I won't have any major responsibility when it comes to this baby. The first and only thing that comes to mind nowadays is about me.

How am I going to handle it? How will this affect my life? Should I avoid this/be a part of that? I'm so self absorbed, I've closed myself up in a box that just cannot be opened...at least until baby sweetness came into my hemisphere. It's not my baby but I feel some responsibility, not much but some. The baby's already my favorite person, how is that possible for someone not yet born and in someone else's uterus?

Honestly I'm not ready for a baby and I think 24 is young but that's for me, my homie can handle it and I support the choices she's made. She'll be a great Mom and I can't wait to be Aunty Tsag.
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

Let's have a toast...

Oh well for the morose I’m doing a Weh Yu Mean? post today because it’s looooong over due. As a side note never compromise who you are for someone else. It’s a lesson some of us only need one lesson in and others need an entire semester. You are amazing, remember that. I will definitely try to. If this works I’ll do a Queerty Knows Best later if not I’ll find something else to post.

Weh Yu Mean?

• If you know me at all then you know EXACTLY where I’m headed first.  Addijah ‘Vybz Kartel’ Palmer. I…When….I don’t even know where to start. What possible chemical allows a man to turn from onyx to citrine cannot be healthy for you? Weh Yu Mean? The man Sammy Sosa the ting and then had the AUDACITY to sing a hook saying ‘Cool like me wash me face wit the cake soap…’ Now tell me… Along with being more than surprised by his sudden pigment change I was also shocked at the initial response of his peers, fans and non-fans alike. There was no response. No one said a thing. Sure Kiprich tried, I repeat tried, to respond with a song that I refuse to look up the name for but his efforts failed when people started asking ‘What is a Kiprich?’
• It seems the initial shock must have worn off though as members of the dancehall community are now poking their heads out of the ground to utter hilarious, contemptuous and disgusted comments about his pigment change. Weh Yu Mean? Bounty Killer spewed his few…Did you see that ER interview a few weeks ago? Baby Cham kept silent about it but Bounty as his moniker suggests was bountiful with the comments, quips and remarks. Bounty the interviewee is PRICELESS. Aidonia has also given his $0.02 which seems to be less about the bleaching and more about…well who cares? Over the past few weeks Kartel has been responding to both overt and whispered comments 9can you believe he was on RAGA? Ummm….) Of course Kartel has responded he loves the sound of his own voice. The interviews have been AMAZING!
• I heard Sting flopped. Weh Yu Mean? I didn’t go so no skin off my back. I heard that both Beenie man and Sizzla showed up, as usual, and gave really good performances. I cannot name one ’new’ artist right now giving as amazing stage performances as those that have been in the business for years.
• I-Octane had one of the best years in 2010 and he’s one artiste I find will most likely stand the test of time. Weh Yu Mean? He had hit after hit and closed the year with a big endorsement deal from Digicel… he was headliner at a few  shows and he’s not stupid, he’s a conscious artiste but still fun and he’s not arrogant. That’s kinda what we’re looking for in our entertainment. At least I am.
• Why can’t I stop singing ’My unni bunch, my unni bunch…’ Weh Yu Mean? Vybz Kartel’s Christmas ‘carol’ ‘Like Chrtistmas’ feat Sheba was one of the better things to come out of 2010. Hilarious, unintentionally so of course, always unintentionally.
• Where is Busy Signal? Why is Mr. Lexx trying to revive a currently non-existent career? Why the Christmas/New Year so boring? Will Buju address his stint in the slammer at his hotly anticipated return to the stage in Miami? Are Beenie and D’Angel still together? Weh Yu Mean?
  

  It felt great writing another Weh Yu Mean? after so long. Look out for new updates.

Posts from the new BB

Curious…very curious. As I speak with my homie Axela about my friends not meeting my last boyfriend, I realize I never met any of his friends either. In fact we didn’t do much for a while there. He lived out of town mostly and though I’d visit most times we did nothing more than stay locked up in his house for days. Sure one could argue that because he was so far away spending as much time as possible with each other was uppermost  in our minds. This can explain the times he lived out of town but what of those times he lived within Kingston? 

We were together for a few years and during my college years he lived down the street from my university. Thinking on it now I guess I kinda knew he was hiding me and our relationship and I went along with it because he was there and he wanted me and I was happy. I loved him and I thought he loved me. In the end I just knew that our infidelities were not the only reason for our break up. I was just blaming us ending on the fact that trust was lost, but hey we never really had trust to begin with. He was hiding me and our relationship. Sure I met his Mom and some of his family and they were nice I guess I used that as the crutch to dispel my suspicions but I knew. I knew and I let him have his way because he was there and I was happy and I felt like someone wanted me. Wow. I am so disappointed in myself. So angry at myself because I thought I was stronger than that, thought I was a stronger person and in some ways I am now but this just shows how flawed I still am. 

I was just repressing these feelings, hoping to save myself the heartache. You can’t run or hide from your problems I should have figured that out by now. Now I am wondering if I should confront him about it? We’re still friends, whatever that means. Should I? Or should I let him and this fucked up relationship go and move on in the direction that I want my life to go. I don’t want someone who’s going to be afraid to be seen with me or afraid to have his friends know thata we’re together because I’m better than that and better than him. Using this opportunity to better myself not as a means to get depressed, that alone shows growth. I am glad.

Post from the new BB

It's a new year and other than some birds and fish dying and being broadcasted over every fucking news channel that ever existed, it feels the same. I'm happy to announce that I didn't bring my crush into this year. It was nice while it lasted but it ended as it should. It felt great to have a crush again. Allowed me to feel as young as I am. Allowed me to re-visit all those feelings I used to have.

Tired of lonely saturday nights. Last night was prolly the most boring I've had in a while, nothing to watch, nothing to do and no one to talk to. All my friends have significant others, well if not all most. I don't nor do I really want that. I'm happy being single right now, I truly am. It's just a bore though when there's nothing to do.

Sex is secondary. If I needed or wanted sex I could get it anytime but I'm over casual sex. No matter how many fantasies I may or may not have, casual sex holds no appeal for me anymore. And since I have no current intentions to be in any relationships I'm pretty much celibate for 2011. Celibacy is in right?
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

Posts from the new BB

I wrote the previous post a few weeks ago and decided I might as well post it. Ah well...kinda hot right?

So it's a new year! Happy new year! I'm as happy as I can be, happier than most, healthier than most. I have to be thankful for that.

Be happy, be great and be blessed.

Live, Love, Laugh.
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

Post from the new BB

It's the swoon. That sigh when you see them after an absence or when they smile, laugh, speak, move, cough...I know you know what I mean. It's their smell and walk and general carriage that make you swoon.

They make you light headed and sway because it overwhelms you. Takes you by surprise. That swoon you're just not ready for it. That involuntary reaction to the person you're really feeling.

I'm crushing really hard right now. Crushing mighty hard and uncertain how to continue, how to transition from crush to potential suitor. Uncertain if I should even make the attempt. Thinking I should count my winnings and let this infatuation play itself out. I've pretty much reconciled with the fact that it really will never happen. Seeing him everyday though throws a wrench in the plans to murder the crush. I also made the, I realize now, misguided decision to tell my friends. They won't let it drop so I can't let it drop.

Oh the swoon. It takes me over when I see dude smile and laugh and generally be himself. Wish I didn't have these feelings, makes things so complicated. One sided love affairs suck.

Posts from the new BB

Christmas Day was spent at work having laughs with friends and co-workers, then at home reconnecting with family. I am amazed at how big my younger brothers are getting and my baby sister is super tall and super spoiled...just like me I guess.

My cousin brought her kids and they're getting big too. I'm not too big on family. The only family I've really only known is my Momma and that's mostly all I've needed. Christmas is the time we all connect though and that feels fitting, feels right.

My friends tell me I'm an adult now...Lord knows when that happened. Celebrating being an adult by doing what I want and being who I am. I love me and I discovered this year that I really like me too and that's all I ask for right now.

The year is ending and it has been a good year, a year filled with many trials, many failed expectations, may laughs and many blessings.

Be blessed, be happy.

Posts from the new BB

Written December 24th
---------------------------
It's Christmas Eve. Where are you tonight? I'm in pretty much the place I was last year...different house, different mindset, different me. Maybe its not exactly the same. This year I have a crush on a coworker. This year my friends are still that but the number has dwindled. This year I've made a concerted effort to be less of a punk and more of an adult.

This year I dont give a fuck what you want from me, this year I take less bullshit, this year I like myself more.

Posts from the new BB

Is 25 the age I must hit in order for it to hit me? I'm wondering cuz I've been trying to figure out when exactly I'm supposed to find that place where I create my path. Right now this path is creating itself without much input from me.

So much to do, so much to see. So much I want to, got to do. When do I make the definitive plans? When exactly do I start getting serious about it? When does it become more than guesses? Educated guesses sure and in my world surety is better than uncertainty any day of any year.

I talk about having guides. I don't want anyone to tell me what the fuck to do. I don't respond well to authority. I'd rather someone tell me that life sucks and you just have to work through that shit to get what you want and none of it is ever easy. My Momma is just trying to survive long enough to be able to stop working and I don't have anyone else. No one who's lived anyway. My friends are becoming and doing their own thing. I just leave them to it and try to be there if they need me.

It's different from what I used do which was sit around waiting for them to include me. I was dependent and that life sucked big time. Living for someone else is no living at all and I'm so glad I woke up.

Post from the new BB

I kept saying if he knew me, if he knew me, only if he knew me, things would change. He would see how beautiful my eyes look and how great my laugh is or how my glasses ride down my nose…Things I love about me, so would he. Unfortunately life never works out that way. He never noticed me in high school, he damn sure didn’t notice me in college and he’s not noticing me now.

Only after I wasted so much time did I realize my efforts were for naught not because they didn’t notice me but they never really mattered. I was obsessed with the notion that someone could and would willing love me because I never felt that, not from a dude anyway. That paternal love is missing and I’m running to these bobble headed boys/men in search of it.
 
Until it’s resolved I’m going to be doing the same motherfucking thing over and over and over. I’m not sure how to escape the cycle. I don’t love these men, I love him and can’t get that from him. My father, that’s the him I’m always chasing. The him I see maybe once a year and I have so many emotions going through me that I only let anger surface. I only want to feel anger because to feel anything else would overwhelm me, would break me.
 
I don’t want to be the first to reach out. Once I do that means I’ve lost what little edge I had. What little control I have. I’m his child and in my mind, what I want for my reality is for him to reach me. Him to tell me that he always loved me, wanted me, wanted to be there but just didn’t know how to. Didn’t  know how to love me didn’t know how to be a part of my life but he’s willing to try. I can’t be the one to do it first. I want him to atone to me. Maybe I’m being selfish and I think about it all the time what if he were to die, where would that leave me. Chasing regrets for the rest of my life.
 
I’ve written about him, written my life about my loss of him. I felt like I never had him, and knowing him has just felt more hurtful than not knowing him.
 
I can’t keep chasing that, it may never come and I need to come to terms with that. Mourn the death of it or it will haunt my days for the rest of my life. Better said than done.

It's been far too long

Not too long of an introduction I'm gearing up to do a Weh Yu Mean? and Queerty Knows Best segments. I threw in some !!Hot Guys of this Day!! just for kicks. I've seen a few movies but I could not realistically give reviews for my Movies I Saw Last Week section because I don't remember most of them. Sad but true. So let's get it...
First up Weh Yu Mean?

• Beenie and Bounty are frenemies again...at least for now. Weh Yu Mean? As is usual every few years or so these two veterans come together and say 'Peace'...at least for now. Sharing a stage at 'Fully Loaded' recently usually a strictly Alliance event where Beenie has been booed in the past. As a fan of dancehall music I have seen these two battle and reunite more times than can be counted. I love when they fight because the interviews and songs are HILARIOUS! It's also good to see them put whatever differences aside and unite in a culture where feuding is the norm.
• Ele, Ele Elephant man. Is it the construction of the citrus sherbert house on the hill that is emptying your pockets? Or is it the fact that you haven't really had a big hit since Whoppy kill Phillip...and Phillip dead long time...? Repossessing the Benz? Is the monstrosity of the Big Bird Range gone too? Weh Yu Mean? Artists will never learn. Before you set up a nice fixed deposit to ensure that when all the red and yellow dyes finally destroy the cells that allows you to leap tall scaffolding you have a little supm to fall back on. What about the elventy seven kids you have? Are they taken care of? I mean log on and jook gyal money muss done by now right? Do better Ele.
• At a recent event for work the man of the hour himself showed up and performed. A coworker of mine tapped me on the shoulder and asked 'Who dat?' I wondered the same as Mr. Palmer reeled off hits in an electrifying performance. Kartel how you brown suh? Weh Yu Mean? The man come pon stage and brown nuh rahtid, no explanation just..."OH...' I about DIED! The nigga brown man is still the only thing I have running through my mind. This is not the same person who brought us gems like 'Tek buddy gyal' Is a different braces clad, charismatic, crazy, hilarious genius (let's debate another time).
• Is this young creation from God supposed to be copying Lady Gaga's 'Paparazzi'? Weh Yu Mean? Don't ask me what the rest of it is supposed to represent. Niggas be niggas every damn day.
• All this back and forth about Usain not focusing and blah blah blah...I don't want to see him fail, none of us do and I hope he takes some time to refocus his efforts. Weh Yu Mean? He's young though 23/24 and truly I barely know what the hell I wanna do with my life and that's pressuring enough much less having every single eye on your back some wishing good, most wishing you fail. It's crazy responsibility and it's crazy pressure I just hope he comes back next year bigger and badder and faster with more focus and more success.
• Does the fact that the SLB board members stepped down mean that my interest rate goes down? It's hilarious to me that this lady was allegedly such a tyrant that everybody feared her. Weh Yu Mean? Something about that just hits a funny bone. Her abuse of power to get resources is just a reflection of the many, many companies and corporations that are corrupt from the top to the bottom. She just got caught.
• Dudus is gone. I can't tell you that I feel any safer or any better. My wish for our little island is prosperity and longevity. We are a proud, strong and amazing group of people and foerever and a day I will always, ALWAYS say Jamaica, land we love.

So on to the next one we've got a stirring (in the nether regions) episode of Queerty Knows Best coming up...I recommend you be in your bed with a glass of wine and a free hand....you know for scrolling down the page. Right...scrolling down the page. ENJOY!

Kenneth

Le Min Hieu

Nitin

Parker

Piotrek

Ryan

Stelios

Good God Almighty! I moaned through the entire process of choosing these pics. Mmmmm...scrumptious! Ok so each name brings you to the guys page over at the Morning Goods section of Queerty. NSFW but TSFD...

So I've got two !!Hot Guys of this Day!!...Daniel Ilabaca and Tom Hardy. Both of whom I have fantastic fantasies about instead of working. Without further ado...

!!Hot Guy of this Day!! January 23, 1988 - Daniel Ilabaca

Daniel ~ Meaning: God is my judge, Origin: Hebrew
!!Hot Guy of this Day!! September 15, 1977 - Tom Hardy

Edward ~ Meaning: Derived from the Old English Eadweard (wealthy or fortunate guardian), a compound name composed of the elements ēad (prosperity, wealth) and weard (guardian, protector). Edward is a royal name, having been borne by three Anglo-Saxon kings and eight kings of England
Thomas/Tom ~ Meaning: Twin, Honesty; Innocence, Origin: Aramaic, Hebrew

TSFD - Totally safe for drooling

On a Roll

I'm on a motherfracking roll! I feel the blogging spirit again. I'm in a zone. I don't usually do posts about International pop culture because Lord knows it's overdone but I will post a few of my thoughts on some recent happenings. I will also post and link to the AMAZING {AMAZING} coverage of the test screenings for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows that took place yesterday in Chicago. I stopped breathing for a few seconds, it's INTENSE!

• LOVE Emma Watson’s cut. So very cute but it made me a little teary eyed too because I realize that HP is really coming to an end and soon. I glad the rumor that she cut it for the 'Girl with a Dragon tattoo' movie wasn't true (hopefully) It's nice to think she just wanted to cut her hair. She's young, she's pretty. All is good.
• Jennifer Aniston’s Harper’s Bazaar shoot was beautiful. She looked gorgeous and seeing the comparison shots of Babs along with it reminded me of how beautiful Barbara Streisand was too. We’re terribly short on interesting faces on TV and on big screens. I can’t tell half of these young ‘starlets’ apart. They're carbon copies and I fear for the state of Hollywood when every girl's gotta be size -1/2.
• With so few actual movie stars that matter it’s refreshing as usual to see Julia Roberts. I still get a chuckle remembering the ‘Who’s Natalie?’ bit from last year's Globes because I saw that live and I could not stop laughing. LOVE HER! That smile is infectious. I can’t say I love her enough to go see ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ though. The name is total Rossum (Too perfect, too romantic, cringe worthy sentiments, I use this in everyday life)…I just can’t. I was pleasantly surprised that people thought along the same lines as me. The reviews weren't horrid but they weren't great either.
• Saw ‘Salt’ and I enjoyed how ridiculously good and bad it was. I was entertained and I actually got a few surprises. Side Note: Have you seen the USWeekly photo of the kids at the pool? Complete white wash (as usual) all about Shiloh wearing board shorts and no shirt. She’s wearing a necklace and looks like Brad, I think it’s adorable…the minivan majority however oh they hate it.
• Saw ‘Inception’ planning to see it again, to solidify my theories and again just to enjoy the movie. I loved it so. I saw it’s flaws and I was happy for them because it made it imperfect and for a concept and almost execution that’s as close to perfect as you can make it (nowadays anyway) I was happy for those imperfections. Perfect would have made our heads explode.
• Also did you hear? New KOL on October 19. 'Come around Sundown' I get a little wet thinking about it. They have my heart. All of them. A friend told me and inside I literally melted, because I knew they’d be doing promo and that just means pictures upon pictures upon pictures upon pictures upon pictures…I could seriously go on but this is already longer than it needs to be.
• My love for George Strombolopoulos knows no bounds, saw ‘The Hour’ last night and about swooned as he cheesed it up with Cypress Hill. Is it right that I get weak in the knees every time he says “It’s your boyfriend George Strombolopoulos”? I always pretend he’s talking to me.

Ok so let's get right to the most important thing. Test screening for Deathly Hallows Part 1 took place in Chicago yesterday and I almost screamed. I literally stopped breathing. Realizing how close we are to the end and how excited I am for these movies. A little bit of a spoiler below.

I have no shame admitting that I cried just a little hearing about Hedwig >>> especially after so much speculation and protest of Harry letting Hedwig go we learn that at least in the test he does die in a most EPIC way. HEDWIG! DOBBY!

I don't want to spoil it for you but if you want to spoil it for yourself visit Mugglenet (great in depth review with podcast which was awesome).

Expect another post coming up soon. I'm so glad I'm back.

Title pic -

Side Order

The below is a piece I wrote and submitted for a women's newsp[aper journal. I didn't expect it to get printed the editor said she just wanted to see my writing style. I don't love it. but it's mine and I love that I had the balls to submit it.
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What is it about ordering that extra side of onion rings? Is that apple pie so tasty that you just can't resist? Knowing of course that it will be adding those extras pounds that you don't need. Is it the temptation of the forbidden, the allure of those few bites of heaven...? What is it about the side order that makes it so appealing?


The side piece, the man on the side, Joe Grind...sound familiar? Is he the tempting morsel that makes you feel wanted or is he the physical manifestation of a lack of faith and trust in your existing relationship? How strong is his siren call and why are you answering? The pull of that sweet song is what has pulled many a mariner to their deaths, many a relationships too.


Security. That's the reason I heard most for acquiring this particular side order.

'Makes me feel secure that there's someone else there if something happens to my relationship.'
'I don't want to feel alone'
'I'm keeping my options open'
'He does things my boyfriend won't'

I'm not surprised or shocked that so many of my friends and acquaintances have, along with their main number 1, an order on the side. I have in the past categorized it as a cultural thing but I've come to realize that by cultural I actually mean worldly it's evident in so many countries, so many lives and so many stories. Some may define these relationships as polyamory, participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships, but the women I've spoken with do not consider their side orders as 'relationships' merely as an extra not as a whole.


I could not glean any one reason that gives rise to these relationships and when asked about possibly dissolving the affair I got a very loud, resounding 'NO!' I also asked about attaining and maintaining monogamy with their main partner and one answer I received surprised me.

'When we're older we can think about that'

This is when I realized the error in my study I had only gained information from one age cohort, women between the ages of 22 - 26. Of course my results may be and as evidenced by my results are skewed so now I wonder are older persons immune to the siren's call? Is the allure too tempting for young people to resist or even want to resist? I guess I will ask again when we are older only time will tell if the order's are different.


I can admit that I have taken a few bites of those side orders in my own short life so my view is neither here nor there. I do know that the side order whether it be onion rings, apple pie, Jerome or Trey has an appeal that to some cannot be resisted and there are those who never try to resist the call of 'Anything else with that?'.


P.P. - Constructive criticism is one thing but being unsupportive is something totally different. I am unaware of what unresolved issues you have, I always believed that I was the problem but truthfully maybe I was wrong. I'm reconstructing my mind set, have been doing so for a few years but it seems you're the one caught in the throes of a misspent youth. I wish you'd come to your senses soon but its not my top priority to help you do that.

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