My mother(not my grandmother) doesn't know how angry I am with her. I say I love her but often its forced and I don't feel that emotion. I don't even like her not really. I'm not indifferent to her but I'm not overly emotional about her either. I'd be sad if she were hurt, but no sadder than when I lost my cat.(I'm being serious) She left me way before she migrated and I'm still fucked because of a lot of shit that my parents didn't do for me.
That's why the movie "Antoine Fisher" resonated so much with me I feel a lot of the emotions that the lead character was feeling. If you haven't seen it I recommend it. I'm angry at her and my father for burdening my grandmother with a child they knew they didn't want. I'm angry at them for not helping her out now that she's older and in need of it.
Sometimes I think I hate them and am so disgusted when they talk to me I want to shout at them to just fuck off. To leave like they want to and not bother to come back because it makes not sense for them to be here. What's the purpose of having someone in your life who does nothing for you? To make me better I need people who are positives in my life.
But I don't hate them, but I don't love nor really like them either.