I'm not the type who'll ever be interested in the state of my hair, whether my clothes are in style or whether my shoes have heels. I like those things I have a passing interest as would any girl but it doesn't control my life. I'm busy living and no one seems to get that. No one gets that the small shit doesn't bother me. I let that shit glide. I'll never be in fashion, I'm too fat, too unattractive but that world isn't the place for me. I'm more interested in learning all I can before my day is done here in this place where everything is teetering on an edge. I'm more comfortable being the me I care about than the me everyone wants to see.

I don't want to come off as judgmental asshole. I love that our lives are so different, our belief systems so diverse I love that, if everyone were the same life would be unbearable but that doesn't mean I want or am going to be like you. I won't agree with everything you say, lets just agree to disagree in that instance.

On a much lighter note Queerty Knows Best is coming at you once more... ENJOY!

Michael


Hakon

Andre


Christian


Paul


Fabio

Choi Ho Jin

Can the church say YES!!!!!!!!

I've made all the names clickable so feel free to enjo more pics of these delicious men along with others. All providie by Queerty and their Morning Goods section.

You've Got No Mail

I check my email constantly. It's almost obsessive the way I do it. I think I'm waiting for either the news that I've won some lottery, or 2 that a friend cared enough to send me some mail. Even when I know I'm not gonna be getting any mail with any of that shit. damn damn damn I just did it again.

Thief

Stolen,
Thats what it feels like,
like a piece of my flesh is gone.
I can't pinpoint the place of it's gaping hole
but I feel it everywhere.
It's location changes,
sometimes a drop in my stomach,
a pang in my heart,
a cloying in my throat,
a threat of tear in my eye.
And my view changes.
The pain of my missing pound
is making the world different in my eyes.
I can't concentrate on the blue sky,
purple lilies
the brown skin
You've stolen all my gifts.
I can no longer appreciate a sigh,
a song.
I loved to sing.
I petition
but receive only blank stares
as if you have no idea
what I'm about
what I mean.
Thief,
larcenous tempest,
voleur,
traitor.
Give it back.
Give me back my flesh,
my dream,
my heart.

Title pic -

I Don't Like That Bitch

So I've been a posting fiend as of late. Semi-regular posts. And all these things. I'm feeling better today. I haven't been feeling very me since I was kicked out of my home and forced to live with people I don't know really well. I've been recuperating with Eanehj and her Mom because they've been like a second family to me and I needed the support. I added a new feature a little palylist of what's in my head. The songs are totally some of my faves. I wanna go to a Ball and see a vogue battle and do a little duck walk and enjoy myself. Who's coming with me?! It's Nieki WhiteSky in the building!!!!! Bitches just will not get it...

Title pic is HILARIOUS! and self made...

PN - Gustav destroyed the place where I used to live just showing you that when things happen they happen for a reason and you should thank God for life and just move the fuck on.

Anyone who knows me knows that i love the gays. I have no problem with their lifestyle and I embrace that their different. I've been having a fascination of sorts with vouging and the gay scene and so on. i just finished watched Paris is Burning, which I've wanted to see for ages. Tanks to Derrick L. Briggs and Adam Benjamin Irby's ADtv youtube videos I found out the whole movie was on youtube so I watched and it was...sad. Very sad the washed up queens the misguided new queens who searching for acceptance and love come into this scene with the hopes and expectations of becoming famous. Hopes which are most times never realized. I liked this documentary and like many other documentaries it just shows you that what lies beneath the surface of all that glamour are just some sad queens.

WTF?

It's weird how your life changes within seconds, minutes, hours. I will not elaborate but you know shit hits the fan regularly and with consistency. I'm so tired of fucking around without the actual fucking. I'm tired of being alone, lonely. Tired of listening to songs that move me and make me think about things I can't have. I want to make love (corny as hell I know but accurate). I want to be loved,
"I just wanna be loved,
like everybody else does,
I just wanna be loved,
I just wanna be loved..."
Jill Scott "Wanna Be Loved"
So fitting, so appropriate. I wanna be on my own making mistakes, making love, making heartbreak, having one night stands, regretting it lying down and never wanting to get up. I miss a life I've never had and I want it back.

Title -

I AM JAMAICAN!

...and fucking proud of it too... Ato Boldon sit your fat, American loving ass down. I like you Bob Costas and I respect everyone's opinion but you're wrong. SIMPLE!

Resurrection

Back again to give another post, 3 days in a row can you stand it? I decided that I would resurrect some of the features I usaed to have on this site, like Weh Yu Mean?, Queerty Knows Best and Movies I Saw Last Week. So that suss plus hot guys plus reviews...seems like a good idea to me. You know me alot of pictures and all do a body good.

Let's start with the gossip...so Weh Yu Mean?

• Ele we understand the flossing is the flossing but why you have to be the one to have the tropical fruit bubbilicious color Range... Weh Yu Mean? The outfits I've seen you wearing lately, the colors...I can't. I can just imagine seeing you step out of that yellow Range Rover with those floral scarves you insist on wearing around your neck, you are indeed a whole episode of Sesame Street on your own. Broomie!
  
• Ninjaman is that Bounty sex tape real because if so...Grung Gadd you need the bullet proof skin yah now. Imagine a sex tape wid di Warlord? Cross, Angry...Eh yow yalow! HEHEHEHE! Weh Yu Mean?
  
• How me nuh hear nutten bout the girl weh dead a ATI/RTI? Weh Yu Mean? Sponsors a fraid unu fraid fi let the people know seh the girl drink herself to death? Sometimes thge price you pay for wisdom is too high.
  
• Speaking of the Emancipendence weekend I heard the venture was a fair flop... Weh Yu Mean? The promoters say that more people showed up but from the reports I've received I am disinclined to believe that. Oh well...To all those who neva pay a dime, big up unu self (JOKAAs (or is it VAAJ?) in the building!)

• How Kartel a go so hard wid the endorsements? Every where him go him have a bottle of Vybz Rum, the Daggerrin condoms soon bus, reportedly 2 albums a drop this fall and him a mash up stage shows a yard and abroad...Weh yu Mean? You really Want Money fi Spend, Spend...
  
• I have one bone of contention...QQ what kind of tight V-neck, skin tight pants foolishness you gwaan wid at the Emancipendence celebration at the National Stadium? Weh Yu Mean? I just could not take my eyes off you, I was in shock and puzzled wondering who dress you? Is your mother? Your little brother? Him lend you some of his clothes? Please stop.

Next up is Queerty Knows Best. Ladies and Gents get ready. Weak hearts do not enter...

Helge is absolutely gorgeous...*sigh*

How many times have I told Akimat I need an asian in my life?...Too many, Jack will surely do...

There's just something about Lane...Mmm Mmm Good!

Lane was too nice he had to come (wink) twice

Tattoo, in the nude, counter top? Check, check, CHECK! Micaiah come here!

Jose was so NSFW I had to crop the pic but click his pic for full disclosure!

I need a shy guy Allan seems to fit the bill...but wait click his pic for a surprise...

All men are provided by Queerty and their Morning Goods section...There are many, MANY more where they come from. ENJOY!

Now onto Movies I Saw Last Week. Ok It's been more than a week but you get it.

SEX AND THE CITY - Felt like I was watching the episodes rather than a movie but I liked it though mainly because I loved the series. The story was a little weak but it wasn't all that bad. 6.5/10

WANTED - Surprising find, this was an action filled mystery that takes you from emotion to emotion from begining to end. Nice summer blockbuster ina time when summer blockbusters are nonexistent. The way the story was told was what caught me. 8.5/10

CLOVERFIELD - I liked this movie and I didn't like it. I don't think I'm the only one who feels these conflicting emotions. I was left waiting, I'm still waiting for the conclusion. In that it's both genius and disastrous. Would I watch again? Prolly not. 5/10

MEET THE BROWNS - Tyler Perry again you dissappoint me. I never expected mindblowing but I didn't expect that. Save your money and your time. Buy the play of the same name instead thats a much better choice. 3/10

HELLBOY - Yes I know I'm late. So? This was a nice movie. I loved the story and the characters. I can't say theres any one thing that was really wrong with it. Very nice watch, looking forward to HellBoy 2. 7.5/10

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3: AT WORLD'S END - Meh...I could have done without this lackluster end to what seemed to be an amazing franchise. I repeat...Meh... 6/10

SPIDERMAN 3 - This was a while back but I remember liking the story and was really happy that Peter Parker stopped the cryin thing and was able to man up a little. LOVED Topher Grace as Venom, James Franco's cute but can we stop with the Daddy complexes already? 8/10

DEVIL WEARS PRADA - Cute movie, can't see where so much buzz came from though... The clothes were superb and Anne Hathaway was sweet. Meryl Streep, love her but not her best perormance. 6.5/10

TRANSFORMERS - Fits the blockbuster formula to the T. Kinda scruffy but cute lead actor, gorgeous but tough and emotionally scarred, obvious love interest of lead, lead actress, aliens. Perfect. The acting was good, story was fairly solid, if a bit shaky in explanations. The cinematography was magnificent. Nice summer movie. 7/10

OCEAN'S 13 - Not as good as the first two movies. Not a bad way to continue the franchise though. Pleasantly surprised. I love these movies for their innovative script and stories. Very funny, very witty movie. 8/10

THE DA VINCI CODE - I pretty subjective with this one because I really liked the book. Objectively the movie followed the book almost precisely, the acting was not top performance though and if you had not read the book the movie seemed to jump from scene to scene without much of an explanation. There was definately more explanation given for happenings than most book-movie pieces have given so that was a plus. 6/10

MR. & MRS SMITH - Another shocker but I really liked this movie. The chemistry between the leads is palpable. It really is. Both were funny, witty and not bad in the acting. 7.75/10

It was fun making this post. I'll try to do it more regularly. I hate 80% of the people at my job.

Today's title pic...

Habits

The following is a little ditty I wrote about a year ago. I read it again and wondered WTF am I talking about? LOL! I can't remember where my head space was when I wrote this but it seemed like I was happy. Wish I was back there.

"First Habit by Akeina

I used to try to be more than myself,
I guess I shouldn't have tried.
I tried to do what I was told,
no, ordained to do, another fallacy of the mind.
Often times the eyes are what make it all seem real,
smoke and mirrors can never be SEEN.
I trust my heart,
my mind can follow,
I trust my soul,
the stuff magic tricks get stuck with.
I'm going to love the one i'm loving, loving, loving...
I adhere
to non adherence,
resistance and love.
I decline to make decisions based on what I'm told is right...
I'm leaving the world of sycophantism behind.
Freedom is shouting my name
and I am replying with my own shout of
YES!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!"

Today's title pic was easy to find... it seems we all have them...

Love/Hate!

I wrote the following about a year ago. I rememer writing it and feeling such desperation and anger. I wanted someone to love me. I was crying out. By the end of it I was feeling like I had finally given myself permission to love myself. It's weird I know but I started my distancing then, I tried to be alone as much as possible. I let myself be there for me and though I do step back into that old life once in a while it's never frequent, never much more than I can handle because I want to be there for my friends and family. What I've noticed though is that I've become a tad indifferent to alot of things. Emotions seem out of place for me. They don't seem like me anymore. I don't cry anymore at all, I feel deatched. I try to care but most times I just say fuck it and move on. This has someting to do with my JOB too because though I love my job I hate it too and this love/hate thing is slowly making me crazy. I don't wanna go crazy so I stay home as much as possible.

"I have a nasty habit of making myself seem less than I really am. I take the back burner which often suits me fine. I wear black when I go out because basically it's slimming and it fades into the background. I don't want to be in the forefront thats not my space and I have no problem with persons who feel it is their space. More power to you. This doesn't mean that I am a pushover it simply means that I'm the one everyone falls back on when the front line gets too heavy and that is how I like it. I am the one you can depend on if the shit hits the fan so hard that you don't know what to with yourself. I'm always there. the flaw in tis is I'm never there for myself. There's no one for me to fall back on. It seems my role is so set in stone that trying to get out of it is harder than killing time. I'm the backup, the right hand man and if I can't get home til two in the morning with work the next day who cares, or if I realize that people are insulting me in front of your face why should I expect you to do anything about it. That's not your responsibility... It's mine...I guess it just took me a while to realize that. I think thats why I've decided to be the back up for my one man team.

BREAKING THE HABIT by Linkin Park
Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I’m picking me apart again

You all assume

I’m safe here in my room (unless I try to start again)

I don’t want to be the one

The battles always choose

‘Cause inside I realize

That I’m the one confused

I don’t know what’s worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don’t know why I instigate

And say what I don’t mean

I don’t know how I got this way

I know it’s not alright

So I’m Breaking the habit

Tonight

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Than anytime before

I had no options left again

I’ll paint it on the walls

‘Cause I’m the one at fault

I’ll never fight again

And this is how it ends

I don’t know what’s worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don’t know how I got this way

I’ll never be alright

So I’m Breaking the habit

Breaking the habit

Tonight "

I love me, I love the me I've become, the me I see for the future.

Title Pic...

I used to do some serious grinding to this mofo song... GINUWINE! I'll try to get it up on visual cliff soon...

"So Anxious" by GINUWINE

Nine O' clock, home alone, paging you

Wishing you'd come over, my place, after while,

Let me know

We can just keep talking 'bout the last time, you were here

What we did (no sleep till morning),

only bubble baths and back rubs

Hit me back, girl I hope, you hurry 'cause

[Chorus:]

I'm so anxious

So meet me at 11:30,

I love the way you're talkin' dirty

Said, I'm so anxious

Girl could you quit this stallin', you know I'm a sexaholic

[Repeat]

[2nd Verse:]

It's 10:10, where you been?

Did you get my message?

(Your expression is telling me that you've been thinkin' the same thang)

The same thang

I've been thinkin'

You say you're working,

well hit me just as soon as your shift, is over

And I'll be waiting, 'cause I can't sleep for reminiscing

About you and what we do,

Hit me back and hope you hurry

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]

Said as soon as you hit the door,

I'ma pull you down on the floor

And before we get to touch the bed,

Baby back up every word you said

And before we, got to hit the lights

And before we start the cande lights

Baby girl, I wanna bump and grind

This is something that's been on my mind

[Chorus]

That picture is totlly for my (and your) enjoyment...

Wicked Shoes!

I am officially hating the shoes I have on. They make me feel like I'm in The Wiz except the shoes are black instead of red. I don't know whether to click my heels or shout "Your mine now my pretty...!!" And they hurt my foot... Booo!!!

Title pic is exactly how the shoes look ...

Fly Guy

That's all I'm saying...Check him out... it's not right that i want to jump his bones is it?? Well is it?

Titile Pic...

SAFE!

I wasn't fired and the relief in my belly was surprising and alarming. You know it's the money, I need the damn money but I did promise myself that i was going to be proactive and find new employment, most likely in addition to this one. RELIEF! My supervisor is such a cutie and all the time he was talking to me all I could think of is how many positions I could try with him. He's about my height but definately smaller than me but with infinite possibilities....But I digress for now I'm safe....

Title pic...

Countdown...

I'm supposed to have a meeting today in about half an hour with my mangers. We're to discuss my ATTENDANCE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! I have a feeling I'm about to be fired. This wouyld be my second time....If of course that is my fate. I'm trying not to be too bummed about it but I know i also feel elated in some sense of the word. I was slowly getting to hate this place and y'know I can't stand shit I hate. I'll give an update when it's all over...

Title pic...

Soothe the Beast

I forgot how much I loved the Donell Jones "Where I wanna be" album...I used to listen to it religiously. What happened to him? Come back Donell... J.Holiday and all 'em are just swagger jacking...
I watched all 6 seasons of Sex and the City because i didn't see any episode before season 6 and i really wanted to know what was up. I liked it...It was a good show and I just liked the whole chemistry between the characters. I'm awaiting the movie.

I want to be fabolous too...but the cheapskate in me cannot justify it. I can't buy a pair of shoes without feeling buyer's remorse wondetring if I couldn't get it for cheaper, wondering if I can't return it. I need more money to be as foab as Carrie.

The art of seduction...have a friend who's trying to become a master in seduction... Personally I think it's a load of crap. I think why do you want to play games with someone? if you're interested in the person and the feeling is reciprocated why do the run around, why spend, more like waste, time being coy, mysterious, crazy? Why not spend the time being open and real with this person? Why not try to develop a relationship based on who you really are? I feel like trying the seduction game makes him/her resent you in the end...Does it last...? Who knows... Does it work? So they say in my own opinion I think its all a form of manipulation. I hate being manipulated and I would never want to do that to another person. I'm just going to do me and I guess you can do you. Good Luck.

Today's title pic supm I picked up...

I'm SCREAMING,
can't you hear me...
how
is
that
possible?
I'm SCREAMING,
why aren't you flinching?
SCREAm at me...?
I'm SCREAMING,
trying to get free,
I'm trapped and you
are staring...
through me I think
because no man alive
would possibly survive
my SCREAMS
my SHRIEKS
"GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK!"
"DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME!"
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"
you're sitting right in front of me,
HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR ME?
I'm SCREAMING
at you...
because of you.
you are so calm
I am screaing but you can't hear
no one can...

Away

I am not a writer. I am merely a girl, a girl's girl...a girl's girl who looks like a lesbian. I'm cool with that... Don't care what people think about me but I do care what I think about myself. Lately I havent been liking me. In my head I say that i'm not lying to my friends it's true I am not avoiding you but in my heart there is some lying going on. To an extent sometimes I just wanna be alone or be with the two people who make me feel good about me lately. Make me feel like my input is needed. I'm sorry I don't want to be there for you now...I hate saying that.
I've been supportive all my life trying to make my self the person you can unload on. I've got some unloading to do myself but I feel that theres noone to turn to so I just go on turning and turning until I'm a tornado of emotions and baggae that noone can penetrate. I am alone in the midst of this storm and I don't see anyone trying to get in. That hurts. What you're all concerned about is the way I'm acting towards you and yes I know you are open but you're also judgmental, stubborn, elitist, I could go on... You hear what you want to hear and I can't have that around me now. I love you I do...and mostly I REALLY can't find the time to scratch my nose much less keep in contact but thats only part of the reason I'm away.
Sometimes I need to be away from you.

Title pic...

May Days

Was gonna write supm got sidetracked and now only writing this so I can say I wrote supm in May... BOOOOOOOO! Longer post later I guess...

Titile Pic...is so pretty...

Taking A Stab

Poem by Akeina

Prelude to this P,

Oem a feeling i can't recognize

overcomes me,

i'm feeling the beat,

i don't understand.

Do i embrace this

P,

Oem?

Do i embrace this beat?

I feel the beat of rhythm as I sway,

the P,

Oem is flowing from me,

flowing with me.

i am breathing, breathing,

breathless for a second.

This P,

Oem is sinking me deeply

making me feel ,

needed,

sweet,

as if my next breath creates the world,

my fingers are tapping out the future's plan.

Boom, boom, boom...

boom boom clap,

my shoulders are grooving to this p,

Oem

"I am not afriad.."

boom boom clap

so unencimbering

so fucking free...

the rhythm

and rhyme

is all yours

I can't set a beat

beacause

it doesnt belong to me

snap boom bam

clap sham poo....

HEHE!

Whoo!

Its the beat of this P,

Oem...

the beat of this rhythm of life...

Boom, boom, boom...

Today's title pic is creepily eerie...